Author Information
A Christmas sting in the tale.
Now Santa"s elves are busy
they"re making lots of toys
and other pretty things
for all you girls and boys.
But the bloody truth is!
Their hours are long and hard,
the heatings on the blink.
Some bastard stole the plug
from out the restroom sink.
The toilet seat is cracked
it really is a sin.
The loo roll it is rationed
and is to bloody thin.
The Canteen menus awful
the choices very bland
and as for healthy eating
it is the saddest in the land.
The reindeer are abusive,
foul tempered and quite bad.
They all like interbreeding
no wonder they are mad.
Santa is no better
he"s always at the drink.
Then grins at all the elves
and gives a wicked wink.
The elves don"t have a Union,
they have never known the like.
So don"t take them for granted
they never go on strike.
But they have a sponsor,
like a cracker has a joke.
One that"s really big
a company that makes Coke.
At breaks they get a can
and a selection box of sweeties.
It is no wonder then
they"ve no teeth and diabetes.
So when you get your present
just take a Mo and sit
and dont take it for granted
you ungrateful little git!
For hard work is not easy,
so don"t you bloody scoff.
Those elves are nearly eunuchs
they work their balls right off!
and why?
So you can be so happy
when it is Christmas day,
they do it all for nothing
what more can I say.
Let"s hear it for the elves
for all the work this year
and thank your lucky stars
YOU dont have pointed ears!
The elves have left the building.
Thankyouverymuch.
