A ghost story, Rabbie Burns. What a guy.
Twas a dark and dismal night,
Let me set the scene.
I still think it a dream, I had just turned eighteen.
We were sitting in the pub, the place it was the hub
For all young alcoholics I was being welcomed to the club.
We had been in a couple of hours when the mood began to sour,
Then someone set a task
That filled me up with power.
Let us visit Torrance House,
Let"'"s give this '"'doo'"' a rouse.
Unless you are a big girls blouse?
Now Torrance House was supposed to be a haunted,
It was said that visitors where much unwanted,
But we were all so drunk and quite undaunted.
It had stood a hundred years
But now empty,
Full of fears.
Rumours were the Devil would appear.
But we were young and bold,
Never felt the cold.
So onward ever onward there was a story to unfold.
Torrance House was large, larger than the most.
It was an old decrepit spook but did it have a host?
Because of all our beer
We did not have much fear,
Therefore we approached feeling nothing but good cheer.
Our consumption had been greed
Nothing more than feed,
For youthful drunken need.
Rumours had always been around
Talk of bats and killer hounds,
Pushed over headstones, unconsecrated ground.
Ravens host the trees, they do what Ravens please,
After all they are left, left as right trustees.
There were many there that night
That I feared would take to flight.
Afraid of all that dark
The supernatural rite.
Whistling wind was high
As by by and by
We neared the House,
The wind began to sigh.
We made our way towards the House,
I think our tongues were tied,
Here at last we stood,
Then suddenly a divide
All my friends they bolted
You should have seen their stride.
So they bid adieu
What was I to do?
I stared at the front door
It opened I went through,
It felt like deja vous.
(it had opened very gently
All be it quite intently,
Incidentally.
I was scared)
I was in this House
You should have heard me sigh,
I thought '"'I have no will
What if perhaps I die?'"'
I walked towards the stairs
On the wall a plaque.
I stopped and had a stare.
'"'hokery pokery gibberish ,
Enjoy your sleep with affection
Never know it"'"s day or night
Beware a close inspection'"'
Time it seemed real funny
I had always thought it right
But that particular evening
It felt a strange invite..
An old clock it did chime
A sound heard a million times
My foot on the first step
I steal myself to climb.
Then the front door slammed!
My back shivers they took off!
I tried to glance right back
The old heart under attack,
My Courage looking for her bags to pack.
It was a living nightmare
My nerves should be abolished,
Why did I enter doom and gloom
This House should be demolished.
I could smell a stale perfume
A witches brew indeed,
An all but to familiar stench
I wore it"'"s close costume.
The whistling wind made the windows have a right carry on,
The curtains old and heavy were already well withdrawn.
I thought of honest people
Who hold their lapels high,
They would surely turn,
Run then say goodbye.
Up to the first floor
At execution speed,
The corridor was long and dark
It was scary to proceed.
Then I heard the rain,
I was sick of that dark night.
Into my jeans pocket
A Zippo I did find
Oh it would ease my plight.
I crept along,
That lighter was a dancing
All the time enhancing
Then I spied a portrait….
That suddenly stopped
My advancing.
I could not believe what I seen
My face looked back at me,
I could not disagree.
The eyes they held a plea.
Help me…
I lifted the picture down
The wind became a wild Banshee.
Doors began to slam
The rafters they did howl,
I knew the very Devil himself
Would soon be on the prowl.
The House was moaning then a groaning
It wanted me to stay,
I could smell its dead bouquet
But I was on my way,
Down the stairs a picture underneath my arm
Praying for no harm
The front door was closed fast
Much to my alarm!
Then the door sprung open
'"'what the bloody hell'"'
There he stood my mate
Swaying like a bell.
Grabbing his arm
I turned him and we ran,
Ran and ran…
We did not stop for nothing,
The ravens hurled abuse
This could be the front page news
If it wasn"'"t for the booze.
I woke up crap but still alive
The picture on the floor.
What the hell was going on
The facts I must explore.
My head it had a pain
The truth it must decline
Most times when I wake up
I have a road side sign.
So I check the truth
How low have I sank
I look in to the frame
Then know it was a prank.
The drink had gone and got to me,
My head first then my liver,
All that I had stared upon
Was a dusty musty mirror.
I thought of Rabbie Burns
And awe his brilliant tales,
He was not a piss artist
That supped upon the ales.
But he was quite a different man
A talent beyond means
He could tell a tale or twa
And set it in your scene.
Was it really my big night?
Or was it just some banter,
Or did I really meet the same
That frightened Tam o Shanter.
The only thing that I must beg
Two tales that must divorce,
They are both about the devil
But mine it has no horse.
So when this Sunday comes
I will be quite as a mouse,
For I know where the Devil lives
He lives in Torrance House.