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I'm grasping at straws...

Losin every sense Ive used to rescue me...

The final thought of giving up is something not very new to me...

I used to be.. The strongest man alive, with a heart of gold...

Bold enough to bring attention to when my life seems to unfold....

Now the golden heart is shattered and I cant blame nobody else....

This time its my insecurities that pushed our love up on a shelf...

I've dealt with pain before...

But its nothing like the blow that dealt a devastating shock inside my heart....

I did it to myself... So answer one question.... How the hell am I supposed to deal?...

If nothin that I've grown to love is real anymore because I killed it.... I want to hear em...

The words that brought a smile to my face... So many words have disappeared...

The silence is deafening in this place...

I can't erase the memories,and I can't erase the love,

I can't erase the fact that I was too scared to give you what you my all...

I'm praying for another chance... But I'm too afraid to ask it........

and I'm too afraid it'll push you away if I decide to chance it...

I'm dyin slowly on the inside....

I can feel my heart decreasing in completing full repetitions,

causing slowing of my breathing... You've been my light inside the dark...

And I wish it would've showed... I wish I had just one more chance....

Instead I'm dying cuz I don't....

Too cold to take my clothes off.... Too hot to leave em on...

Outfit after oufit.... Dont know whats goin on...

Trying to piece myself together but shaking too much to hold a thought...

And when the shaking finally subsides.... I sweat so much I think I'm drowning....

One second, no emotion.... The next, they're all exposed...

One minute I can breathe... The next I'm gaspin as I choke...

Am I that much of a nothing? That easy to let go... I think Karma's trying to kill me...

As I sabotage myself... Should I give in, let her take me? Hang the noose around my neck...

. Chunk duece..... Cuz Im tired of feeling like I'm not worth a shit...

I dont know yet.... But I know I'm tired of all the shit I've been through...

I just hope I can continue after this to be continued....

( To Be Continued)