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Over and over.
Like a song. On repeat. I express my feelings. Hoping that this time I can make sense of it or accept it as is. Each time I fail. I hate that someone and something can have this kind of hold on me. You don’t deserve it. Not now anyways. It’s strange of me to feel this way. Do you see why I can never ask or tell you these things? I’ve tried understanding my feelings, but it was you who always helped me make sense of them. But where are you to interpret these ones for me? You can’t. And you won’t. Because you don’t get the reasons why you scare me. Why I try so hard not to allow you to take over me. Because of how weak I can be in your existence. I wanted you to own me.. without losing sight of me. Without being so caught up with your life and it’s hardships, that I no longer focused on my well being. Oh, you don’t like to hear it. You’re dillusional to it. These are the feelings that keep me awake at night. I want to stop thinking about you, I want to stop these feelings .. from consuming what’s left of the part of my brain that is still sane. .
i can’t wait to hate you.
