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Road Block
I have tried to have this conversation with you more than once
The words just won’t come
When I open my mouth
My mind blanks
I’m not used to being scared…
Afraid of how I feel
This inner turmoil that calms around you
Like taming the beast
I can’t decide whether I want to submit
Or fight like hell when it comes to you
You are a worthy opponent
Stubborn and full of honor, pride, and heart
Your pulse beats like mine
Strong
So much in common
So much is different
I have fallen before
I know what it feels like
Passion
Pain
Pleasure
Emotion beyond comparison
A want and need that cannot be satisfied
A fear that sneaks up and attacks with no warning
Paranoia that I won’t be enough
... I wasn’t in the past
I’m not a damsel in distress
I’m not fragile
I won’t break
It’s not who I am.
Don’t worry about me.
I’ve been through hell.
Look at me now…
I landed on my feet, and I’m still running.
You ask your questions
I answer them with ease.
We talk for hours and hours
Random
Serious
Goofy
Way beyond random
You name it, we’ve talked about it.
Laughed
Cried
I’ve even been angry
You take it all in stride
You breathe and tell me, 'It will all be okay'.
Your eyes are deep and soul searching
They bore into the depths of me
Places inside me that I can’t even get to…
But you did.
You brought down my walls
Effortlessly
With near perfection, you walked in my life again
Ready to pick up the pieces
Ready to heal the wounds and repair what’s been broken
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
But how long will you stay away?
It scares me to open up to you
I knew what I was getting into
But knowing that you are so far away...
Maybe not even coming back – god forbid it.
Tears well in my eyes
I just found you again
Why does life's indecision have to be so cruel?
That’s the point there…
What I wanted to talk about
You being so far away
And maybe not coming back around…
I wish you could promise to be around
It would make things easier
I’m good with good byes
But not when saying them for the last time
I can’t stand feeling helpless
I feel safe with you
Content
Sated
Trusting
Loyal
But how do you feel?
You have said comfortable
Relaxed
Accepted
Wanted
Is that all?
Is it too soon to ask where I stand?
Where you want me to stand?
Beside you
Behind you
In front of you
Making you smile when the day goes bad
Supporting you when you think no one else will
I feel like I’m on an endless road
But with so many blocks
Obstacles
With stakes that are too high
Do I let go?
Take the risk?
I don’t want hurt again
I don’t want to cry again
I don’t want to wish for things that won’t happen.
And I sure as hell don’t want to get my hopes up
I feel vulnerable around you
Means you could hurt me
More than you could imagine
That scares me too
I can’t show weakness... I have to be okay
With you, I don’t have to be
I can just be me
One day, this road block will falter
Shatter
Crumble
Hopefully, I will be left standing
... with or without you?
My love, that is your decision.
