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Unwanted Feeling
I want to know what it's like to just be accepted.
I want to feel that I can be loved and have a good life.
But... inside, that feeling is unwanted.
Inside, I'm happy to be isolated in society.
Inside, I don't want to have that great life that some wish for me.
Inside... I just can't be anything else but me.
So used to having things go wrong, that when something finally goes right... I can't take it.
I change it around and do things to screw it up.
Not on purpose, it just happens.
I don't understand good things.
I don't understand love.
I've felt love, but like I said, I don't get it.
I've been put through pain and lies a lot of my life.
Not so much from family... but from friends.
The friends that I'm supposed to be able to talk to
about anything.
The friends that I'm supposed to love unconditionally.
Yeah right... like I've ever had any friends like that.
The friends I have think they know me so well.
But, on the off side, they know me so little.
They only know the side that I show to them.
The easy to get along with and out-going flower child that never has a problem of her own.
They know the side that is always ready to take on their issues and put them first.
They know nothing of the girl that suffers from endless nightmares within her restless slumber.
The girl that has so much stress upon her shoulders and let's her anger manifest into morbidness.
The girl that wishes to show herself and not care what
others think.
The girl that has the unwanted feeling.
The unwanted feeling of confusion and darkness within her.
Never will I be able to be that girl, because my world is unaccepting of that type of girl... me.
