So I think its been two years since I vowed to myself that I would be BRAVER. Brave enough to be the real me all the time, to be brave enough to not to care what anyone thinks. Over the past 5 years I've learned to really like myself for who I am, even though I am not the same girl I use to know, I'm trying to bring some parts of myself back to life and it really is a struggle. For a lot of my life I have heard what will other people thing, oh don't talk to those people about those things and for a long time I could ignore it and push those words about. Now though I feel consumer by how other people do or will or could see me, I am trying, maybe not at hard as I could, But I am trying. Constantly trying to push past my comfort zone, trying to let people in again. Trying to be strong enough to do it and brave enough to take the risk.
The last 3 years I've let my fear of failure control my decisions, I am sometimes consumed by the thoughts of failure when i even consider doing something different. I can feel my own dissapointment in myself and sometimes I jsut can't see past it, I thought I would have been further in my life by now. But I just need to fix my beliefs again and realize there is still time that things can be different, \i'm in control of my life and no one makes me do anything or controls how my life turns out but me!
I need to make a budget plan and stick to it, I need to stop being as wasteful as I have been being!! I want certain things out of my life and my money so its time to buckle down and figure whats next for me and the kids. figure out our plan!!