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DUMB ME
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TR All I knew in that moment,
Was Desire, Hunger, Longing.
The kind of depravity one has,
When one consumes with vulgarity,
Without passion or compassion.
It's not to love the one you are with,
As it fills a void, and ache.
Oh, sure it feels wonderful,
Skin on skin,
Those velvety wet places that make you moan,
But it's too much.
It's like filling your heart with liquid nitrogen.
Sure, your heart is full,
The void is gone,
The pain of emptiness is over,
But once there is air,
The nitrogen bubbles into nothing in seconds.
Your heart eventually sits still in the quietness.
I was with her,
Dumb me, consumed her like a fire,
Leaving ashes like a friendship scorched.
I'm starting to see,
That it is the slow pouring...slow unfolding,
That truely fills one's soul.
Like rain on grass that is saturated,
Eventually the water runs off,
Flooding,
Damaging,
And for what good did that do?
Unfolding, pouring
Those small amounts are like small drops.
The rain constantly,
For hours and hours,
And let the earth soak the water.
Dumb me,
I flooded her.
I wanted to please her body,
Without pleasing her heart.
I acted like a man,
Thinking like a man,
Knowing she was a woman,
But still took my needs first.
I accept for the moment,
Yes, it was a need.
However now,
It's something I don't even want to think about.
All that Rawness, like animals.
If I just would have taken the time to have been me,
And not stepped into the identity of my need,
It could have been so different.
I wish now,
I could go back.
I wish I could have put rose petals on the bed,
Played soft music,
Danced with her a while,
Smiled and just looked into her eyes.
I wish I could have drizzled wine over her body,
Then gently kissed every drop off.
I wish I was me, tender, caressing...
Taking all of her in through every one of my senses,
Not my ache's.
I wish I could have put warm lotion all over her body,
Gave her a massage...
Let her get away from the drama's
Of Job stress,
Children growing up too fast,
People who are demanding of her time,
Who were consuming her in disrespectful and unhealthy ways.
I wish I could have enjoyed holding hands,
Caressing her cheek, tenderly,
Be in that moment so fully she had nothing to see,
But that I was "good people".
That my heart, tender and pure,
Could lend her something sweeter.
I wish I could have given her the image of me,
What is inside my heart, my soul.
I can be so many things,
But dumb me,
I let my weakness rule the moment,
Not my strength.
Part of me does regret,
What I did not do.
The other part,
Just thankful I have one more day to try,
And show her...
ALL OF ME.
