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WHAT IS WAITING WORTH?
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TR What does waiting get me?
My arms are wide open,
My mind clenched shut.
I am a firm believer,
That we cannot run from ourselves,
But can only try and fight our second nature's
To no avail.
So I tell myself,
I will wait...
Answers come with patience,
Kindness is a virtue to be loved.
She is caught between pages of the Bible,
And the romance novels of her mind.
One she has no time for,
The other keeps her in shackles of bondage.
And where do I fit in?
It will be a long road,
Telling her to "Do the right thing."
When all I want to do is hold her close.
I will tell her to "Do the right thing."
Even when I know it is inevitable to live
At that high of a standard.
Perfection, is not attainable,
It is futile.
Been there, done that.
So I wait,
And what will I do in the mean time?
I will write my book,
Be there for her with her joys,
And when she falls.
When she comes close to want a hug,
In the midst of her tears,
I will have to say,
"Because I love you,
I must keep you at a distance.
Right now you are very vulnerable,
And it would be easy for me to take advantage of you.
I want your repect,
I want my own integrity."
Then I will sign to her that I love her,
And tell her that God IS holding her,
Just as she is.
She must walk that lonesome valley,
Where dry bones gather flesh and walk.
She must decide, whether to accept herself,
Or live the lie that continues her on her present path:
Down roads of emptiness.
One day she will see that her children are gone,
And the only one she can share her memories with,
Is herself.
So much protection,
Doted on the children,
Painted herself into a corner, emotionally.
She does it even now,
Day by day,
The ropes of exasperation
Tighten at her throat...
Until the next adventure,
The next guilt party,
The next day at work...
Where she can compartmentalize all her feelings,
As she files things away.
"This goes here, and that goes there."
No room for grey,
It's all or none,
This system had worked and gotten her this far...
But at what cost?
How well I know this road,
Been there, done that,
Got the T-shirt and it's already donated to the thrift store.
What a road!
The only detours, are the ones you put into play.
The only road work, is ones own procrastination.
The only signs, distractions, are the ones we heed,
Needlessly.
When will she give love a chance?
When will she let the chains of her heart fall away?
When will she allow herself, to love herself?
PERIOD.
I will know,
Because I am good at waiting.
I see the child beyond the boldness,
Scared and afraid.
I see the adult,
Confused and frustrated.
I see all her conservative compression.
It's like watching a submarine,
Slowly dive, deeper and deeper,
Until one day, you know implosion will occur.
This is her road,
I am the spectator.
This is her struggle,
And I will wait, for her at the end.
Because I know she is worth her weight in Gold.
However, I don't want that,
I just want her heart.
And that is what waiting is worth.
