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I can not believe how I have come full circle—

I can not believe all that has transpired,

All within in the last nine months.

I can not believe that I could again come to this place,

To have it all.



I lost my housing voucher,

Where I opted to believe in someone I loved like a wife.

Who said her children were "here",

That they would be ready to live with us,

"We need a bigger house."

I lived my decision,

I lived a life of faith.

I wanted to provide in “love”,

And then, I found out no such child existed.

I felt betrayed to the core,

Victimized to the inth degree.



I lost my home,

Over children that didn’t exist.

And what was even worse,

Who was it that I lost my heart to--

If SHE could profess false truths with full consciousness?



I hated.

Pure and simple.

I let the best of my humanity get blotted out like an eclipse.



But it’s been less than a year,

And I now have the opportunity to get my voucher back.

In this moment, right here, right now.

I guess she really didn’t take away anything,

Because what I lost in “love”, God has returned.



Even though I felt starved in my church.

In the very same church where--

She and I, our children, US...

This was where my wife and I were to wed.

But there was no “family”,

Not like anything she had led me to believe.



Yet, in all things,

God delivers HIS people,

Into the hands of abundance.



A very different past relationship of mine,

One where I could not have feared more,

She was an abusive ex whose life loved drugs more than me,

Has now healed in some very wonderful ways.

She is clean and sober, able and capable of love.



I attended my old church this last sunday,

With my re-newed ex at my side,

With her Grandson on my arm,

Whom she has allowed me to take on as my grandson as well.



What is to be said of a woman who will share a child,

That doesn’t exist?

Compared to a woman who takes her living children,

And trusts them with me?

We do not have the most perfect friendship,

Relationship, or whatever we call it.

It's too complex at the moment,

But it's full of love none-the-less.

We both have had our fill of hurt, we do not want to marry.

If and when we ever do,

We do not want each others hands,

We want each other’s hearts.



I wonder too,

How could something so horrific,

Be changed, transformed, so that my worst enemy,

Is now my best friend.

An encounter,

Where she violated me so,

And I violated her in turn,

Now softens, yielding to a magnificent miracle of love--

That is based on us as "people" and not as "sexual beings".



All things evolve,

And the world revolves,

Where even WE come full circle within and without ourselves.



My ex wife doesn’t attend the church,

She and I became members of.

She doesn’t see her mother anymore.

And her aunt is almost always ill.



What does this say of her,

A woman who will let her family down in their time of need?

A woman who will allow someone interfere in her walk

   with Christ?

A woman who will not be there for her friends?



My ex-lover, now new love has been here for me recently,

In my sickness, and in my health.

She has been there for her children and grandchildren.

And she is learning to walk with God.

She claims not to be perfect,

She claims not to have all the answers,

She claims not to be able to promise anything,

But she is real, honest in who and what she is.



I have the opportunity for a housing voucher, yes.

Or I can choose to give it up, just so I can be...

     WITH MY FRIEND.



From this point forward,

There is no need:

To hold bitterness and anger towards my ex-wife.

There is no point in hating her for what is her problem.

I can only pray for her.



From this day forward,

I understand how God sees to it

That all things are taken care of.

If there is an opportunity for me now, and I can't receive,

He will provide it again.

He offers no fleece,

Without the intention of giving it to you.



My ex-wife,

My ex-lover, who is now my re-newed friend,

    A Re-acquainted love,

My God,

My family,

We have all come full circle…

And it is I who is now in the know...

This web, this circle, that God weaves.



To have faith like a child,

Is to depend on God, totally.

Perhaps, this is why fools and children are Gods beloved.

Children grow to take care of themselves.

And maybe, my thinking is foolish,

That God gives to those who will turn gifts down,

Now and then.

But who else will take care of a fool?



I can't be that foolish,

If I can see that he has brought me an understanding,

That completes this cycle,

And brings me full circle.