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IT IS THERE
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EVELYN & HER FAMILY IT is there,
As silent as a stone.
Unspoken, yet unwavering.
She is scared--
I am scared--
Both of us...
Hypervigilant of a scorching past REPEATING.
Yet somehow--
I have to remind myself
That in relationships, just like sitting in a car,
Neither have to be DRIVEN to destruction.
I look at her,
Like I look at my K-9 companion friend, Jitter-Bug.
"BUG" is a Rhett Terrior.
Both Evelyn and Jitter-Bug are loyal,
True to form in all their mischieviousness.
Their hearts are always loving,
But they never allow their bellies to be exposed--
To never leave themselves vulnerable to an attack.
They both have scars.
Jitter-Bug has them on her body,
But Evelyn has them in her mind,
Of past fights,
Of past relationships gone sour,
Of past affairs.
THEY, have left their mark,
And one can all too often get summed up, sized up,
In Evelyn and Jitter-Bug's eyes.
They can see through you to your soul,
And know whether you are friend or foe.
Like Jitter-Bug,
Who is dependant on nothing else except her best friends,
"BEAR & BALL"---
Evelyn's dependancy comes only from
"THE TV REMOTE & A GOOD BOOK"
They can entertain themselves.
THEY DO NOT NEED SOMEONE OR SOMEBODY ELSE TO MAKE THEM
COMEPLETE.
But like every dog,
Only so many beatings can take place,
Before teeth gnash into skin.
Evelyn is protective--
Of her heart,
Of her family,
And she is still trying to put herself first.
I am needy of only one thing--
A computer screen...
Luminating my thoughts and emotions.
Even my desire to do art comes second in line,
When I go chasing my mind for my own sanity.
I am poured--
Into the pages of my books,
Into the lines of my poetry.
And upon my death,
They will bury my body,
But volumes of who I am will live after me.
My gravestone, just like rock,
It will become brittle and fall away into the grass,
But my words and passion of them will live after me.
She is the quiet homekeeper,
Who nests, as if she is cleaning her mind...
Being at peace in her cozy space, mentally and physically.
If she is to trust anything of anyone,
They must fit her like a warm blanket around her shoulders.
In as much, if she can see that you will fit into her life,
Her southern comfort and hospitality
Will fill you with table after table of her good cooking.
I, I am the socialite.
My peace comes from talking and analyzing,
Trying out new ideas on people like a teen shops for clothes.
It is not in the fact that I like to hear my own voice speak,
But it is the revelation that comes---
When I hear the words of what I say.
Sometimes they reveal:
Hidden truths I didn't know about myself,
Or truths I have felt about others
At a level that I was not aware of.
It is the clensing of my soul
Through reality checks of objective eyes.
My biggest hinderence,
I do not always think before I speak.
I share the whole of my soul,
For that deeper meaning of life,
To ensue the pursuit to gleen every nuance,
Like marrow from the bone.
This sword cuts open truths--
It lays open things I did not know about my own behavior,
But it also cuts into the heart of souls,
Who do not know that this is how I process my life,
And run from intimacy and emotion.
But we can accept these things in each other...
We had them four years ago,
They are old hat.
We NEITHER---
Find our place in crowds,
But enjoy going against the grain in all we do.
NO ONE person, or persons, will tell us,
WHERE OUR PLACE IS OR ISN'T.
There is no reason to say anything--
At times there is nothing that can be hidden.
With all that came from the past,
We already know the capacity of what the other can do,
In all things GOOD & EVIL,
That no matter what,
We can often see right through the other.
We've both been marginalized,
Nearly destroyed by others as well as each other.
And we have been caged up by the "LOVE" of others.
There is no reason,
IF what we know of "LOVE" really is love,
Then neither of us want it.
IF it is being tethered to someone in FEAR or JEALOUSY,
Then it truely is not love.
This is why we dance a quiet dance,
And speak not any emotions or feelings--
WE ALREADY KNOW---IT IS THERE.
