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RADIO
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EVELYN & HER FAMILY It doesn't seem too awful long ago---
When she and I met,
After what felt like a life time,
But it has only been around four years.
Four years since--
The police came.
Her daughter got taken into state custody.
We “parted ways”, and that is putting it mildly.
Since then--
She and I,
Have hardened ourselves to
"I LOVE YOU's"---
They express a fleeting feeling,
a fleeting moment,
That simply doesn't last any longer than a that.
She is perilous,
A warrior who will fight for her personal space,
To make sure “we” don’t happen again.
I strive for structure, harmony & balance.
I no longer want to offer my heart
If my mind cannot make sense of things,
And accompany it willingly with eyes wide open.
WE ARE BEYOND CAUTIOUS—
We are looking for the demonic abraxis
To convince us that we are not capable or able,
To be together “again”.
However, the familiarity of our old relationship,
Creeps between us,
As intimate as a bed fellow,
And at times,
As scary as walking on thin ice.
Yet, somehow, someway,
A splash has erupted the silence of our vigil,
And sent waves in ringlets to the shore,
Of our reality and our consciousness.
SOMETHING REDEEMABLE is happening,
SOMETHING AMAZING is here.
We neither look to the other for completion,
We are becoming solid in our own identities,
We have each other’s back
And seek to protect the others best interests.
We’ve been so busy at play,
So busy with the grandkids,
So busy with life, ENJOYING life.
SO MUCH SO,
That as I turned the knob on the “RADIO”,
I heard those words SHE offered.
There was no mistake as they rang out above the squelch.
She had made it clear, that she could not hear those words…
It hurt too bad.
Too many times, people gave the syllables without any meaning.
It simply hurt, too much.
So I stopped saying them,
Instead I shouted them from the mountains inside my head.
The words got spoken, in my mental ear,
And the glory of that feeling, moved me.
I could feel vulnerable in my own space,
As I laid in bed with her…
Doing so empowered me,
And did not cross her boundary line.
Then, as she looked to me,
Her eyes widened,
My heart opened,
Even though I did not know what to expect,
Her face softened, and I became hopeful.
“I love you, you know that, right?”
Without offering much in return,
To keep her vulnerability intact,
I simply said, “I know”.
Then carefully, I turned the knob,
Tuned into another station on the radio,
And found a new song to an old love.
For both our sakes, we feared this kind of acknowledgement,
But now, the cat has leapt from the bag.
Finally, our gaze looks to the future,
Instead of summoning the past to zero in on us.
We have crossed another hurdle,
Just in time to dance to the first lines:
Of the rest of our days.
