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This Is
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Love is eternal, unfortunatly Screaming,
Aching,
Longing.
This is my life.
Laughing,
Playing,
Loving.
This was my Life.
Hoping,
Praying,
Caring.
This would have been my life.
Crying,
Sobbing,
Conceding.
This is.
on the day u posted this, i posted in my journal:
how long does it take to brake up with a guy you have been dating for 18 months? what does it take? obviously, one little lie about one little drawing.
so, will doesnt like me talking to josh, because i was honest when he asked if i was attracted to him, and i said yes. so will freaks whenever he is mentioned, but josh is a friend. so when josh was talkin about gettin a tat, i offered to draw it. instead of getting into a fight with will about it, i told him the tat was for meg. i got caught.
so, will and i argued for about an hour and a half. then i broke out crying. then i went into my 'what color is the sky' stage.. then i asked if we could just go to bed and i'd decide in the morning. so now, hes on the bed, im on the couch. and neither one of us can sleep.
see, he told it to me straight. he let me know that he puts up with me, when other guys would have dropped me by now. i know this, he doesnt need to tell me im an awful person. he told me that he still wants me. but i know he doesnt trust me, and he hasnt forgiven me for the three months that we were apart when i broke up with him last year. hes afraid i will brake up with him, so, he said if i do, its final.
i just want some space. i know will is almost perfect for me, but we fight all the time. what love is there without trust? is there someone better out there for me? someone i can start over with and have a clean slate? should i risk losing will to find out? choices choices.
i am lost as to what i should do. friends, if i have any true friends, gimme something. advice, love, anything. i could really use a hug right now.
hes tossing and turning on the bed. i want so much to just go over there and lay down. but if i do that, i wont have the courage come morning to brake up with him. i dont need this stress right now. i know i treat him badly, but how can i get better if we stay together? i think if we just distance ourselves, we can both mature, and if we are meant to be together, then we will end up back together. if not, then we wont be wasting our time. right?