Why did I believe you
when you named me broken
and called my soul parts
ashes, numbness, doubt, and dirt
why did i listen
when you summoned from my deep
the demon of insecurity
and made me into disbelief?
why do i betray me
for every tiny shredded flag?
i sell my soul on the cheap
between heartbeats in a gamer's lag.
between fingers,
slip away my heart
as identity erodes.
token security elates
some need buried in my inner child
baby sinister beast plays out
memories to shame amityville
delusion hides your saccharine lies.
migraine sends me the bill.
again i wake up buried deep
in the bullshit of my feigned surprise.
i'd blame you oh so easily
but i've already seen this green sunrise.
the adult in me is wary and wise
i've died wrapped in this musk before.
but inner child's waylaid escape
from this labyrinth of painted whores.
stranger whom i well remember
that killed in me the hopes of yore
only you can give me tainted virtue
if you open the unlocked door.
and you and i can well pretend
we've never ever been here before.
if i wake up before you sleep
i'll pretend i never wanted more.
as the first rays of sunrise
fall upon our wilted squalor
we close our eyes to truth and lies
await the dusk of the last sunrise
and know
the lives of ours failed in our arms
not for just us but for the end of time
always encroaching under the obvious order.
and whether strong or weak i'll hold you deep
knowing at the end even you i'll barter.
cheap comforts bind to teddy bear bonds
but lost madness of the leal may indeed reveal
what once was never ever ever ever ever for sale
might still be something a little bit real.
if only i might maybe remember
i think i saw it as a kid before.
the scent of home had led me far astray
as the lost are wont to wander
but spectral dreams of youth can beckon
far beyond the reach of reason
and awake dissolves the joy of dreams
with the familiar stench of crushed hope endured.
and on this, another day of charcoal clouds,
sometimes hopes are best when not remembered.
despair follows far too easily without
its entrance being baited or beckoned.