PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

This morning while my mother and I were talking over breakfast I said it.  I don’t know which is worse being raped by a man or being raped by women.  It is horrible that I have lived through both yet today I feel so terrible.  You see this is the time of year when I was being someone baited by my chain of command with the whole say you did it willingly and it will all go away thing. Guess what it never goes away. Knowing that I was a MP (military police) and not only did I lose people I thought were my friends but my career because I turned in my perpetrator.  I was then tagged as the traitor and bad person.  I often ask my family why in relationships when they end most of my exs get upset and I’m a bitch or everything but a child of God.  The answer one I’ve probably known for years, but don’t want to admit it.  I’m a caregiver.  I care give to the point in relationships where people ask me for money, time, space and whatever it is they need come first before any needs I have and then when I realize what’s going on and I choose to leave then they have to go back to doing those things themselves. OMG I’m an enabler. I basically put myself in situations where others use me.  Great now I feel like I am just useless.  Recently in the past year I found a wonderful person who has never asked me for money, never put me in a situation where I had to support her.  Truth be told she makes me smile.  On days like today where I’m feeling low I think about what she did last week when I was down in Arizona visiting her.  She cupped my face in her hands gently and said. “You’re so pretty”. I basically for the most part run that recording in my mind over and over again. She’s a Sheriff’s officer and I am but a lowly writer. She’s Buddhist, and I’m Native American.  She’s hip-hop and I’m Contemporary. She’s yin and I’m yang. I cry tears of joy when it comes to her and I truly love her.