I lay there, what happened, what went wrong
he seemed so nice, so caring
I thought I'd known him so long and all
Had I never really known him
Was this all he wanted
To play with my heart, which lay ripped from my warm boosum
Shattered on the ground
I had loved him, care for and about him
So close were we and yet it was a show
Not even who he said he was
Into my house he came
A smile on his face
A knife into my heart
He left my dreams of what he was
And left me on the floor
I write this as a warning
lack your heart away.
A tear falls to the floor, that tear of a twice fool
Once a fool for living
Once a fool for loving
Twice the fool for caring
Twice the fool for going on
Violated heart and mind
Body without a soul
He stole that as so much more
My eyes look back on me
A darkness in the hollow sockets
Leave no questions left
Blank and distant, hopeless,
a mothers daughter raped from the womb of purity
A mothers child taken from her
So many things, friends have betrayed
I would welcome my darkness, I would welcome thee, devil
I welcomed you lucifer to my home, the guise of an angel
I shall never welcome again...
------------
So many truths, the truth be told
Telling brings pain, sorrow to all
Shall it be I never tell anouther agan,
No living sould should know
Dark and dismale is the life I portay
Fake and see through, if you look
Nothing is real for I be nothing
All that is real is my heart
A dark and deceatful thing it be
The reason for it entombed in ice
If without heart I be now than without sin be I
A sin to friends and all who care
A weight I bare alone
To be or not to be
There is no question as I never was
Raped of mind and the body o0f others
Forever alone, forever dark
Only myself to blame
Only myself to consol
The closest to me know the darkness
Know all I have done...
Forgiveness shall never be asked
I can not be forgiven
Dark and pained, eternaly alone
Older than I look
Older then this place
Older than dispare
lonelyness.
Raped of them and left of me, nothing in both cases
Dark and deep doth this gash run, shall I bring it forth
Shall I go the way of my heart
And end this decite forever...
-------------
I know I am alive, but I feel dead,
should I make that feeling truth as well
As it stands I may be only half alive,
and even then mostly dead
Will this ache of my heart undo me
I tremble, it is hot out and I shiver
I fear not death for in it is the only peace I'll know
...
what I fear comes before it
Silence
Please don't leave me this way
be mad, be sad, hit me, abuse me
Call me what ever you want
Call out my secrete for all to hear
... just don't leave me in solotude
I can't take it any more...
I used to revel in it and now I know why
If I remained alone I would have hurt no one
I have hurt the two I care about most
Closer to me than family or any one else
and I desieved them
They loved me
I lied to them
I expect a blade for my sins
The bell will tool soon
the final judgement
My nineth life ...
Shall I die alone
yes...
Wow, I can hear how powerful your emotions are. I appreciate your honest words and vivid descriptions you use to bring us into your mind.