PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I never resally contemplated why humans are unkind to each other perpetually. Everyone has periods of not wanting to interact with anyone. Okay, fine. People get the message and leave you alone to heal and knit. But meanness all the time? Insanity might have some piece of definition in there somewhere. Even my worst enemies, those who wish me extreme anguish, are not relegated to not worth their skin. Cruel behavior is learned and probably comes from being on the receiving end of someone's displeasure and disdain: hellish punishment is their aim, not just a forget you and a moving on. They stay to push the knife deeper, shoot more holes in the heart, damage is the intent. Humans mangled and full of themselves assuming they have control when exercise of punitive actions only indicates deep disturbing insecurity.

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The need to harm perpeutally keeps harm from happening to the practicioner may be the logic, the really awful logic. If aimed at the self, loathing and abhorrence of self and self image and few attainments and no successes pi acceptances, then that may be cause and affectation in one. I hate myself, so hating you is what I will do to show the world I'm worthless? I do not understand that kind of reasoning. Somebody did not get congratulated and encouraged enough or told they are special. Warped and mentally not all there is my diagnosis. Solution: get in the mirror and repeat after me: You Rock! You are special! And you are cute too. When no one is there, self emulate and praise as in, "I DID GOOOOOD!" Everyone needs to be told they have goodness in them. Everyone. Humans wither if their self image fades. Okay, trapped under a car wreck and about to die horribly - then is a good time to hate the world I suppose. I like the guy who was pinned in this movie and he said, "This is a stupid way to die!" Oddly, that is healthier than hating the circumstances. 

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Personal Note: I intend to go out smiling. Laughing might happen. The this is it response and I didn't see that comin' but can't breathe and the pain is ridiculous - if ever there was a time in need of a chuckle, that one is my candidate. Unlike Huxley, I may not go out high on mescaline, but the adrenaline should prove stimulating. If anyone witnesses this intersting passage from here to out of here, at least I will not have done them harm or hurt. Puzzlement maybe, but not mean.  :D

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People who are in constant physical pain - back surgery gone wrong, and pills no longer work. Okay, I can see them being not real pleasant - they have real issues and pain is hard to ignore to focus on being nice, kind, cheerful, happy even. Everybody else who does not have chronic to severe pain maladies, I have a bone to pick with you all. Quit it! In the hood, if you act like that, you get a) smacked down, b) shot and killed, c) disappeared, d) smacked up side the head. Disrespect a child or an old person at your own risk. Be cruel to them in public and you get surrounded by really big muscular dudes with no tolerance for bullshit of that nature. Who needs cops? This is a hood issue. A certain level of civilization is required. You conform or you do not survive without immediate corrective measures. Period. Harsh. None of that being hellish continues for long, I betcha!  These people end up homeless and repentent eventually. Or dead.

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I once met a lady like that. She was so wrapped up in her self importance, she would not talk to anyone. No good morning, no hello, no have a nice evening - nada! What kind of hell is that. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know PTSD folk and they at least talk to me - they say weird things sometimes, but at least they are trying to link to another human mind, angry but not mean to who they are raving in front of.  I am so lucky (work really hard to keep it suppressed and off line) to not feel that horrid and dejected (or aloof and alone) but whatever the causes, all that is open and free is rejected and treated with a label of Not Valuable. What kind of emptiness is that? Who or what made them like that? Is it congenital? Were they born with parts missing? Was it a personal decision to not like kids, adults, and the self? Just evil as in devil charactered and pain inducing as a perpetual attitude. Who did this to them? I feel sad when I'm in pain, sometimes get a bit blue, but to actively go out and hurt someone purposfully is anathema to me. Do I have a mean streak? Yes. I choose to use it sparingly for peace's sake. 

If the setting or event participated in gets cold hearted, I withdraw and go elsewhere. That is my response to racism, for example. It's sick and it is some kind of institutionalized justification for inflicting harm. No one gets to do that. Not their bitch, for one. For two, who did that to them making them think they can continue that kind of discourtesy, disrespect, and bad news on all the headlines of all the newspapers ever printed. Hey. Chill. These people end up dead, suicides, murdered, or extremely ostracized from everywhere (too unpleasant to be tolerated and we all know that humans have great capacity for tolerance).

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These are the signs we miss because we do not believe anyone could live in a world empty of contact or kindness, love or tenderness. Not invited to enough parties as a kid, I guess. These people buy guns and kill lots of people as if that is the ultimate solution to society's challenges. Life can  be hellish, okay, but how you address the problems is what is really troubling if the response is to go out and be mean to everyone.

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No money, no home, just anger. Okay - extreme emotional pain is one justification for hating the world past, present, and all the time present. I sigh, glad it did not happen to me - at least not perpetually. You fall off the edge of the world, you take the thrown rope and climb back up and act better and make yourself feel human again. You make better choices, for one thing! I don't believe in loneliness because you always have you if no one else is available. Some of us have Gods - Gods are nice to have when the bottom falls out. I don't ask how are you doing? I ask are you okay? People usually laugh at that because they are confronted with facing the truth about their current emotional and life-showing status. The empathy offered usually comes back as, "I'm okay!" with energy and conviction and a bit of a chuckle. Somebody cared. It's refreshing right down to the bottom of the spirit. As poets, we embrace that kind of healing. When not possible to do that, we put it on hold! Self-healing is a good thing to exist in the world. I like Marvin's sexual healing-I agree, that's good for me!

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Such humans have always been among us. We marginalize them, ignore them, and let professionals help them if they ever seek help. Like junkies and drunkies, you have to want to stop the behavior that curses everyone and everything around you. Who feels like that and is it all the time? Why? I don't get it. Locked in a closet as a kid, what? Come from a long line of depressed DNA weilders? Perpetually crashing from the drunk the week before or out of drug money? What?

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I don't know about the truth of the posture. Maybe it's a ploy to get attention and seem important with power or some strange mutation of self delusion. My delusions go kinda like this: I'm rich and famous and all the people who disrespected me on my way to the top don't get invited to my parties. I know, not hellish enough, no blood, no one dies. No one is wished physical discomfort. But telling them no they cannot come into my mansion where the live famous band is playing all night is really satisfying, and just mean enough as delusions go.

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Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I am suppposed to hate like that and do harm and look down on people and slam their reputations with awful lies and slanders. What kind of life is that? No smiles no joys, no jokes no fun only darkness and wallowing in self deprecation and deprecation of all around them. Damn, maybe there is Hell on earth. I get end of the road, the rope runs out, all seems against you, but you have a good cry, then get up and to do something else. Hey, afterall, you only get to do this one time - it's called living in this lifetime you have been granted. With whatever tools you own, small or huge, use them daily and if no hands or arms, use your mouth and your toes. Build something, learn something new. Something. Anything. And be nice while you are doin' it.

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I'm jus sayin'.

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Stella L. Crews

01-13-18

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