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Spinning out of control
Trying to escape my past, my horrors, and the problems that I have created.
When you lose interest in the things you once loved to do, a red flag should go up in your mind. However the red flag can easily be over looked when your to preoccupied with the unknowns of your future. Have your life spin out of control is a horrifying experience. You want to put your arms out to slow it down but it doesn’t work. You sit frantically trying to clear your mind of the past, and of the future. Trying to live in the now is so hard for someone spinning out of control. Thoughts pour into your head so fast that you can’t even pick them out. It’s like a strobe like of thoughts. You get so frustrated that you begin to get anxiety and have panic attacks. There was nothing more peaceful than hiking the trails and listening to the birds sing. That is gone for me. Hiking the trails alone only gives me the opportunity to overthink. Getting help is the first step in trying to slow the spinning down. Confronting your past and moving on is another step towards slowing it down. This is the hardest step. I am still at this step. Someday I hope to enjoy all the things I use to.
