PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

What's on my mind Facebook? What isn't on my mind? Have you ever ran until you were out of breathe. Drove until you are out of gas. Played the tapes of your life until they start to rewind. In the midst of feeling tired. Wired and lost. I've found myself in the depths of my secrets. Only mirrors and walls repeat in silence. I am the boy without a home. Finding shelter in my own mind. No one to call or lean on to assure I am fine. I am accustomed to leaving. Long roads and extended periods of loneliness. I am metaphorical for mold. Unwelcome in most homes. I succumb to the sickness and became immune to your destructive theories. With one true goal to have a comfortable place to rest my head. To build upon my dreams without feelings of doubts. I am used to not looking back. Not knowing how to react. Not one to fall in line. Or understand love for that matter. I am forever the underdog. My words are taken with little regard. Well regarding myself. I'm going to say I'm so sick of putting up with everyones repetitive long cycles of bullshit and negativity. Walk out the door of my life. Its forever open. Many people up and left. Many words unspoken. A child alone with no shoulder to lean on. 10 years old no home or bed to lay on. Living in a van with my parents struggling adjusting to school. Getting left face down in the dirt. You may not know what pain is. I've walked miles in these shoes. Sneakers matter nothing and will get torn and destroyed to the wear and tare of the road. What the fuck is love and why hasn't it found me yet? I'm too old to be drifting every night. Sleeping on any surface I deem to fit right. No home no room. The struggle is like before. Won't give in. Happiness comes from within. You wonder what it is like to be me? A kid with little regard for the world who so desperately wants to see it burn. Every living animal on earth dies alone. Knowing this makes me feel less frightened when I face death. Again. I'm inconsolable. Uncontrollable. I've had no indefinite family to comfort this inner turmoil. Collapsing into myself. Hospital beds locked up against my will for the thoughts I share. Half a dozen too many times. Where is my touch of faith. The hint of easiness I am so inclined to having. I've burned all my belongings for seconds of warmth in the midst of this cold. Unsettling. Where do you go at night? Who do you have call to say they love you. What gets you through the night. Doctors whined me off drugs with more drugs. Its second nature to self medicate. Its in my blood. I'm made of rust. And tar. Torn from feelings. My heart lives in a desolate place. Mistake me please for someone else. Someone you knew. Maybe we can grow. But these walls keep talking and the mirrors keep poisoning my mind. Mind over body. Well I've lost mind. I am displaced. Disembodied. I've caused it. I'm desturbed. I've lost everything I've loved. This divorce created constant battles within myself. I'm sorry. For being myself. The crime I understand is punishable by death. So my father thinks. Popping pills I find above the kitchen sink. In hopes to remove these controlling obsticals I can't move. I am too far gone. "Not worth saving" he said.
I called you on the phone in tears telling you how I almost died in a car accident. You proceeded to say that you don't care and that's its my fault. So its my fault I'm alive. I'm sorry I tried this time. Death will be a relief to you. No more arguments. Wont have to fake loving me. The courts will set you free. Walk away with your life again. Building upon your dreams again because your son lost his life. He was smart enough this time to make it an accident. I'm wasting my time. I'll never get it right. Never receive your love. I'm alone. And im alright with that. I put myself here. You made plans to drop me off in Detroit making me fend for myself. So its my fault. I stopped taking my meds. So its my fault. I made mistakes. So its my fault. I'm not you. So its my fault. You daydream of having a son more like you. So its my fault. I'm worthless to you. A waste of money. A waste of space. So here's to me. Mother fuck all of you. I'm going to build myself my own personal sanctuary. Entomb my soul In sound. Never forget the struggle. But you people can kiss my ass. I'm working too hard to just stay alive. I am not human. I am a monster. Nothing short of insane. Words like venom. Mind like a plague. Ill take what I want for myself. I put my heart on the shelf. Its jarred. The world is undeserving of it. Writing you off. I am that boy without a home. Or family for that matter. Who is about to build his own. I am a creator. I am my own god. The others gave up on me. All I got is my strength in my word. Your feelings mean nothing. Do you find it hard to sleep at night. I hope so. Feel the embodymeant of pain. Bags under your eyes. Blank stares. Dillussions. Silent screams and masked emotions are your distress signals. What do you seek in life? I seek my own home. Love and a trophy room with pictures and memories preserved through the dark times. I'm getting out alive. Regardless. Its do or die. Especially when I'm already dead in so many peoples eyes.