Infinity Ago



I can feel a dictatorial depression taking hold
Brought on with the mind and the draining cold

For years nothing much at all has felt real
For years I have been paralyzing what I feel
For years more parts of me lose this fight
For years even more of this darkness ignites
I no longer know what I can really do
I’m in an eclipse, and I’ve lost all my clues
I no longer know what I can try to do
In this surreal nightmare and not here with you

This exhausting cycle of self-sabotage
All that is right in my life must be a mirage

Less and less of me feels like I have humanity
More and more of me wants to escape sanity
Bury the forgotten remains of old versions of me
Dig them up but then find nothing left to see
More of me is cut slowly away
More of me is gone every day

How the mighty have fallen so very far
How the mighty no longer know who they are
Who I was seems like an infinity ago
Who I was is someone I no longer know
More of me becomes a calculated machine
More of me that cares is never again to be seen

My favorite weapon of self-sabotage
All who care for me must be a mirage

My hate greedily feeds and grows
I despise knowing what I know
My depression once again wins
I cannot find solace from within
My depression silently stalks
It’s with me no matter where I walk
Replacing what used to be inside me
Replacing the caring side of my humanity
The spreading side of me is often right yet feels wrong
This harmful side of me is becoming far too strong

I fear that I am close to being devoured by apathy
Scared that soon I will be surrounded by none
Wanting to forever hide from society
By this unkind side I feel I’m being overrun
Bit by bit I’m removing all of my sympathy
Afraid of the day I will say that this side has won
More of me is cut away
More of me becomes a machine
More of me is gone every day
More of me never again to be seen
Before I knew what I know
Infinity ago

By Adam Keith McElwain
Copyright Adam Keith McElwain Poetry
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