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Hey.

I'm writing you this and putting it on here so I can come back later to read it.  Today I woke up and I want to cry.  I really miss you.  What hurts me the most is knowing you can see me and I know you don't like what you see.  Days can be so cruel and nights are for the escape.  Last Saturday when i was so fucked up, I thought I saw you sitting by the dinner table.  I have regret for looking away and not "SEEING".  

I'm not pleading, I'm not promising, and I'm not swearing.  Just letting you know that I'm acknowledging my mistakes.  Years pass, and I think it's getting better.  But one day out of the year, it comes crashing down to zero.  Having so much to say, yet I'm so scared for sharing it.  For a while, I was ignoring you.  Sometimes I miss you so much, I hate it.  So I ignore the fact that you're not gone and that you're not dead.  I take the time to close my eyes and cry, but I always get interrupted.  I don't know what world I'm living in now.  Sorry for ranting.

happy easter