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For what I say now, I deeply apologize.

It is my anger and my sadness emerging to one.



Why did you have to leave?

Did you not love us enough to stay strong?

Why did you leave us with this overpowering sadness?

Are you watching me now?!

Like the way you did when you were alive.

Watching me and my flaws.

Are you watching me fucking cry now?!

You asshole.

Was this your idea, to have me dwell in my own guilt?

To teach me a fucking lesson!

You are in a better place.

And we're in a shit hole.

Why weren't you there that day?  Why weren't you awake?

When they did this to us?

Why didn't I feel protected when you were really there?

Why didn't you say your words?

Why did it have to be you?

Why couldn't it have been the homeless man?

Why wasn't it that man who murdered his family?

I'm looking for you in every fucking poem I write.

I still haven't found the right words to say to you.

Why did you leave the little one?

Look at him!

You think I don't see the sadness deep in his blue eyes.

Why didn't you say anything while you were hurting???

Why did you keep it a secret???

Why????  Why????

Oh god.

This is the anger that I despise.

Is God speaking to you now?

Tell him that I'm going to ask him why.

Tell him that I'm ready.

That I'm not afraid to die.

I want to know everything from you and from him.



I'm sorry.  I'm crying now, but I just want to know why.

Two years now and it still feels like you were taken away yesterday.



I'll always be missing you.



9-14-2003