Childhood Swings

The swings are gently moving 

At my old elementary school

Carefree memories 

Walking these empty grounds 

Even if I went back to the beginning

This aching won’t go away

If I went back to my kiddie pool

The day my father said goodbye

I’d drown in my tears in the pool 

If I fast forward to the day,

The day I went from a child to an adult 

I’d curse the disease for taking him from us 

If we kept going to a few years,

Grandpa left peacefully 

While Grandma’s heart stayed broken

The broken pieces couldn’t be pieced together

Each piece became a lost memory 

Until she forgot us all

If our smiles to one another could save you,

Sweet grandmother, 

you’d be the shoulder of cry on 

If I had the love which could save me,

I wouldn’t think to die everyday 

When these memories become bricks,

Too heavy for my heart to carry 

This reign of nothingness 

Remains the monarchy of my lies

My shameful truth 

The willingness of addiction growing

Another slice of a bad memory opened 

The cut runs deeper than you know

What you can’t heal

The very thing you can’t save

Me

But here I am

The old swings gently moving 

Where my innocence was left at

When time stood frozen 

As I gently swing myself,

I lay my head back

Please someone take me

To a place where I can start over 

Where my heart can begin to beat again

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