Two short stories by Wolf Larsen
from the short story NEW YORK, NEW YORK
(Written in 1992)
…he called up Budd, and Budd said hey let's go out tonight.
— so later it's tonight —
The music blared. Yeah, so what's new? They talked. They drank beer. The place sorta crowded. It wasn't long before two females came over standing nearby obviously trying to attract some attention. Yeah so what? Richard and Budd were into their talkin and drinkin. So they just ignored the girls.
Various other couplets of women tried to get their attention — and Budd and Rich danced with some of them. What the hell.
The evening got later and Rich and Budd wound up with two women they had just met at the club. So they fucked them. No big deal.
The early morning night was drizzling when Rich and Budd left. Drizzle wet on the 4 A.M. streets. All lurking dark moodiness. Older buildings hulking silently through another passing night.
Budd's apartment is nearby. They go. Inside they're holding each other some strong embrace two strong men's bodies together. The rough stubble of Budd's chin as they kiss. Both shirtless their muscular upper bodies pressed together, flesh against flesh.
So nice it is to have a man over you, someone who knows how to touch you, how to kiss you, and how to excite you all over.
He's a man, he knows what he's doing. His lips slowly tenderly gently his tongue kissing Richard's skin gliding slowly... slowly... oooooooo
Man-to-Man. Macho.
Later much later Richard is out into the sunrising streets. Orange is the sky. The city waking preparing for another day of weekday New York New York. The streets still empty... serene. Richard this wandering creature of last night searching for its slumbering hideaway.
The midtown weekday changes into Sunday** when he reaches Harlem. He passes the Harlem churchcrowd, both young and old. The weight of tension gone this something lifted. Walking like a feather through the heavy
Copyright 1998 by Wolf Larsen
PRESIDENT PEANUT BUTTER IN THE WHITE HOUSE
A short story by Wolf Larsen written in 2007
A train became insane with a caterpillar! The caterpillar turned into a Greyhound bus racing out of the words. The words are having an electric chair saxophone with a pedophile priest. The pedophile priest says, "-The violin is playing an alienated Human Race. A saxophone player jumped out of the music and played alienation."
The violin is now playing the Civil War in America. The piano is slaughtering the music into explosions of violence & lust! Lust is located in Antarctica, which is made out of frozen beer.
The frozen beer came to the earth on a comet of used bubble gum that some giant extra terrestrial spit out of his mouth 5 galaxies away. After traveling five galaxies the comet of used bubble gum gave a lecture on anal sex at your local university. As a result, China is now located on a different planet every day of the week.
Since China is no longer on the planet earth the solar system is now made out of verbs. All the verbs in the solar system are chanting the poem. The poem is made out of thousands of bouncing tennis balls.
Bouncing tennis balls is the reason why the Cuban missile crisis was progressive and liberal. A progressive & liberal nuclear war over Cuba is like all the furniture in your apartment marching out into the streets and having a parade. Because everybody's furniture is marching out into the streets and having parades & orgies. So now it's time to visit the Museum of Used Prophylactics.
At the Museum of Used Prophylactics you attend the Presidential Campaign Exhibit. At the exhibit you learn that a white man's itchy finger trigger on the nuclear button is conservative Republican politics. And a black man's or a white woman's itchy finger trigger on the nuclear button is liberal progressive Dixiecrat politics.
You are now an office worker dedicated to masturbating to porn on the Internet during all of your leisure hours. This was before electricity was banned. After electricity was banned all of the fat ugly politicians became pornographic dancers. All streetcorners now have 24 hour public pornography, according to state law.
Rush Limbaugh begins attacking the moral integrity of bubble gum on a conservative talk show. Jesus Christ, who is slowly dying on the cross, is a guest on the conservative talk show. Christ says, "-Who had a revelation with why which caused up to fly and down to run and who had an anxiety and now why is shaking you & shaking you!"
All the words of Jesus Christ suddenly became planets & knives & crazy adjectives flying in the air. The frozen beer of Antarctica has now become frozen glaciers of beer spreading across the planet earth. The alcoholics are all dancing on the moon.
One of the alcoholics dancing on the moon says to one of the thousands of bouncing tennis balls in the poem, "-Yes was running & running around no. Why suddenly began hitting everybody and who was hiding behind thousands of jumbling words. -"
Jesus Christ leads the U.S. army in attacking all the thousands of immoral bouncing tennis balls in the poem. Conservatives across America applaud.
After bubble gum has been banned as morally deprived the mushrooms in the forest launch a crusade to convert everyone to pornography and spread it to the four corners of the earth. The four corners of the earth exclaimed with joy, "-!You painted raspberries & blueberries & peaches all over Your naked body! You tasted her! She tasted like world wars two & three making love together! She grew genitals all over the clouds..."
A terrorist alcoholic on the moon begins assassinating light bulbs, and both the conservative & liberal members of Congress launch a bipartisan dictatorship to combat alcoholic terrorists dancing on the moon and protect light bulbs, which are the moral foundation of American democracy. American democracy is made out of peanut butter.
The peanut butter in the White House gives a speech to Congress and the news media concerning the seriousness of the situation, which is made out of cockroach genitals. Jesus Christ dying on the cross is presented as a witness, along with thousands of sheep from Montana. The sheep have been promoting heterosexual sex in Montana, and saving the men in Montana from homosexuality.
The members of Congress show their fat ugly naked bodies to the news media in order to promote abstinence amongst the higher primates. The conservatives across the nation launch a campaign against the infidels to celebrate. As they lynch the infidels the conservatives SHOUT, "-!YOU STOOD NAKED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLAZA! EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE A MAN YOU BEGAN GROWING BREASTS RIGHT THEN & THERE AS YOU STOOD NAKED IN THE PLAZA! YOU BEGAN FEEDING LITTLE HUMAN MONSTERS AT YOUR BREASTS! THE LITTLE HUMAN MONSTERS ALL GREW UP TO BE SOLDIERS AND KILLED EVERYONE!"
The peanut butter in the White House is reelected because one of his supporters owns the voting machines. The train that became insane with a caterpillar is strapped to the electric chair to protect liberty & freedom. Weeirdos launched a campaign to reinstate electricity, but they were denounced as morally deprived and lynched by the conservatives. The liberals retaliated by learning French. A worldwide campaign is launched to promote heterosexual sex in Montana by importing millions of more sheep to the glorious state of Montana.
The peanut butter in the White House announces that every nation on earth will be invaded by the U.S. Army. After the U.S. Army occupies the entire world every man on the planet is forced to have relations with female sheep, in order to promote heterosexuality. Jesus Christ on the cross marries a prostitute, and the sheep all sing, "-You're becoming thousands of apocalypses and hundreds of Paradises! You fly out of dozens of different planets! You watch pornography of the Virgin Mary having sex with a horse!"
Everybody in America began installing electric chairs in their living rooms.
After pushing the atomic button the President addressed the American people on television from his bunker outside Washington, DC. The next day America was an empty landscape of rubble & dust from sea to shining sea.
Copyright 2011 by Wolf Larsen