Please help? I really need a critique ._.

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MissSaigon's picture
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Joined: 2012/06/19

The eyes of a liar are hidden by your secrets.
You're consumed by the irony of your words,
Despite how many of them were spat out by you.
Your victims fire back your own army of lies against you.

Every star fantasies and candy dreams you've promised...
You've turn them from an endless revelry of summer
Into an unbreathable kingdom filled with frozen veins within hell.
Only a pathetic coward like you would be the weak king they have.

You drowned your maiden in the ocean of misery and torment,
Taking every disturbing pleasure in doing so.
Your sinful hands slipped off of her cold shoulders,
And she survived just to plot an army against you.

The success of surviving your beginning was like a shooting star,
Only with no one to care and watch it shoot across the empty skies.
The ending to your story will soon be incomplete by defeat
From your maiden and her army of your victims.