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Cadence: Part 6
“If there was a ever a moment I never wanted to pass, it’s this one I want to keep as a still frame.” He gently tugged her arms to raise her into sitting position. He cupped her face in his hands and spoke very softly into her ear as though he were telling her a secret. “Waking up to you is the best feeling in the world. To open my eyes knowing you’re in my arms, and that I’m not dreaming keeps me wanting to lay next to you for hours, just so I can do it over and over.”
Cadence stretched and yawned, sighing as her eyes adjusted to the morning light slipping through the slits of her blinds. “I swear, every minute with you is sheer poetry; honestly, even I don’t want to wake up to this face.” She wrinkled her nose in attempt to distort her face, but Aden smiled and smoothed the creases with his fingertips.
“I think you’re beautiful.” He pulled her into his lap so her back was against his chest. He nuzzled his face into her neck and kissed it lightly. “Everything about you is beautiful.”
She fidgeted with her hands, feeling a little uncomfortable; she wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen next, what he expected from her, or what she was supposed to expect from him. “Always so serious.”
“I don’t see why I shouldn’t be; we’re not thirteen anymore and there’s no reason to play games. I love you and want you to know it, to never doubt what I feel for you.” He thought for a moment, then realized her tone had seemed almost condescending. “What’s wrong? I know you’re thinking something here, so don’t bother trying to convince me there’s nothing going through that incomprehensible mind of yours.”
“I’m honestly not sure; I guess this just seems strange is all.”
“What are you saying? That you don’t want this? You don’t want to want this?” He slid from under her and began pacing the room as he always did when he became frustrated or irritated.
“I don’t know what I’m saying; I think I need time to think all this through. So much has happened in the last month. I just don’t want to do something I’ll regret later.”
“What’s there to think about?” She didn’t offer any reassurance or even a reply; she avoided making eye contact with him and it bothered him. “Cadence? Are you saying you don’t love me?”
She nervously chewed at her bottom lip and tears rose in her throat; it was always the same argument. “Why does it have to be that way with you?”
“Because that’s the way it is! It isn’t that hard; do you love me or don’t you?” He held his breath and swallowed back the nausea.
“I did.”
“And now?” He waited for an answer but knew he wasn’t going to get one. “Cadence, tell me something here.”
“I need you.”
“How much?”
“Like snow.”
“You can live without me then?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to or want to.”
“Every time I touch you, little electric pulses quiver through my body; I can feel you in every part of me.” He reached for her hand and caressed it softly. “Tell me you can’t feel that.”
“I can feel it.” She pulled away and crossed her arms across her chest. “Aden, I don’t want to feel it.”
“Why? Why don’t you want me? I care about you more than anyone ever could; how can you do this to me?”
“Why does it always have to be about you? Why can’t I do something for myself? You always think about how you’re hurting, but do you even consider that I have something other than making you miserable at heart?”
“I’m not miserable; I’m fine, and there’s nothing you can say to change that fact that I’m not hurting over you anymore. You can’t hurt me more than you already have.”
“Don’t turn the guilt on me; I’m not so naïve as to believe every word you say.”
“What, you don’t believe I love you? Is that is?”
She jutted out her chin and stared defiantly into his eyes. She wore an impassive expression but could hardly manage the stony face. “I don’t think you love me at all; you love the way I make you feel.”
“You think I like feeling worthless? Like I don’t even matter to you? God, Cadey; do you honestly think I like being rejected by you every time things get too close to your comfort? You’re weak; you can’t handle being loved because you’re just scared you’ll never be enough. You think everyone will eventually let you down and that you can’t possibly survive another disappointment. You’re right; this isn’t about me, it’s about your inability to let me in because you don’t think you could ever match my feelings. I think you can, and you do. I think you’re afraid to fall; but if you let me walk out of your life now, you’ll never fall harder.”
“So what are you going to do?”
