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Cadence: Part 2
The snow fell in silence that night, no wind wisped through the bare trees, no engines purred softly through the night air; all was quiet as the flakes fell, straight from heaven, sent to blanket the world with their serenity and peace. It wouldn?t have been quite as beautiful had the city lights not illuminated them in their moment of glory, creating the perfect wonderland so brilliantly captured in snow globes.
She knelt in the snow, oblivious to the cold biting at her knees and legs. It had been hours since she left the little flower shop at the end of her street, and the once blossoming, long-stemmed, red roses were enveloped in a cross between snow and ice- a crystalline substance that looked more like glass, and gave the flowers a timeless appearance. She rubbed her fingers gently over the stems, barely feeling the snowy mixture as it melted at her touch, not really even wanting to feel anything.
She left the flowers in the snow and slowly rose to her feet. Her face was set impassively, for her tears had hardened on her cheeks as she reverently mourned the loss of a life too good to have been taken so young; but that's why they say the good die young. But what did that make her?
As she stared down at the little gravestone for one last moment with her sister, she became aware of a presence behind her; she didn't worry. If anything were to happen to her it would be just as well; there wasn't much to live for, to look forward to, when the people she cared about most were slipping away one by one.
She felt a familiar hand on her shoulder, and tried to smile, grateful that her daddy had come to keep her company. She fell back into him, suddenly tired and aware for the first time that the sun was no longer in sight, and that a different guide had lit up the sky; a softer, more gentle light that seemed more appropriate for the occasion.
"How long have you been here Daddy?" it was painful to talk; her throat had frozen as the rest of her body, only she could feel every painful word where her limbs were no longer sensitive.
"Long enough." He gazed down at his daughter and couldn't imagine his life if he lost her as well. Laura had been his oldest and it was strange enough not hearing her cheerful laugh at the dinner table each night, and not being able to hold her as he held his youngest then. Laura would have been a junior in college that year; she had still lived at home while working part-time to pay her way through the medical school her daddy couldn't afford. "Do you mind if we stay a little longer?"
"Not at all." He lowered himself to the ground; he was wearing snow pants and a parka and wasn't really concerned about any moisture seeping through his pant leg. The only thing he worried about was the little angel in his arms, though she wasn't little anymore, and whether or not she was warm enough.
After a few minutes he decided they had spent enough time in the cold and rose off the ground slowly. He wasn't young anymore, and his bones creaked as he stood, his aching limbs responding differently than they had 20 years ago. He watched his daughter shudder beneath her coat and he draped an arm around her shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Cadey; we should have left for home before now. What were you thinking staying out here all night in the cold anyway?" he gave her a little nudge to let her know he was only teasing; since she was barely able to speak Cadey had taken any kind of joke or sarcasm as criticism and ridicule. She was sensitive, but that was his fault; he hadn?t given her the kind of attention and praise she needed when she was young, but Cadey was always his favorite and he had just assumed she knew she could never disappoint him.
"Well, I was thinking how much Laura loved winter and snow. She always said that the angels were having pillow fights and that the snow was their feathers; it sounds silly I know, but I just wanted to sit with her and watch the snow like we did when we were little. You know, when it was too cold to go outside so we'd just sit at the window, being melodramatic in our display of boredom?" she smiled inwardly and laughed through her nose. "We always said she could be an actress if it weren?t for her poor short-term memory."
"That's right; she couldn't remember the last word she'd said if you'd have asked her." he looked down at his boots thinking of Laura- his sweet, bright, devoted Laura. It was funny how she consumed more of his thoughts now than when she was sixteen and going on first dates, sneaking in from parties at three in the morning, taking his car out of the driveway for the first time without him in the passenger seat. She sure was a handful, but he wouldn?t trade those years for anything.
Neither spoke the rest of the way home; both were preoccupied with other things. When they did reach the house, Cadey went on inside while her daddy brought in some firewood from the back shed.
She hated that house- the way it smelled, the cramped style anyone else would have called cozy, the way it just didn?t feel like home anymore. It had never been much of a house to begin with; they had moved into it after her mother left when she was seven, and it had been just her, Laura, and her daddy. It had a damp and dark feel about it now, and she preferred not being home at all. It was too quiet, too empty, without Laura there to entertain her with stories and songs and dancing.
Her daddy built a fire in the living room and Cadey sat directly in front of it, feeling the heat as it seared through her body. She removed her coat and mittens, as well as the thin hat she had put on as an afterthought. Her honey-blonde hair clung in a matted mess to her neck and shoulders. She combed her fingers through it, gently working out the tangles as her father watched her from the recliner.
"You look pretty with the light from the fire behind you, Cadey." It was true; the flames cast shadows beautifully across her face but provided enough backlighting to illuminate and add interest to her eyes- those stunning green eyes. They were just like her mother's. Everything about her was a picture of her mother, from her frame right down to her delicate hands.
Cadey rolled her eyes at the flattery but couldn't help but let a smile flicker in the shadows for just a moment; she didn't like it when her daddy told her she was pretty, because that's what he was supposed to say, though it made her happy to know someone thought she was beautiful. Since compliments had been lacking since she was young, she didn't feel worthy of one, nor did she know how to accept one. She was that way with everyone; no one could convince her she deserved praise of any kind, and she wasn?t disappointed when none were offered.
"Well, it's getting late and I have to be on the road early in the morning; I just hate leaving you here by yourself so much, you sure you'll be alright on your own this weekend?" ever since Laura died her father had been driving flatbeds across the country, the kind with the different new cars chained on top of it. He said they needed the money, but she knew that he just liked to be alone on the road; driving gave him some kind of peace.
"Sure. I'm a big girl now; can tie my own shoes and everything." He loved how defensive she got and how the mood shifted to a more sardonic tone when he expressed any kind of worry.
"Okay, then I'm off to bed. 'Night, Cadey- love you." He left his recliner to press a kiss to her forehead and wandered in the direction of his bedroom. He was already imaging the feel of his sheets as he rounded the corner of the living room.
"Love you too."
She watched the glowing embers fade to black and thought of the symbolism between life and what were once logs: both were on fire for what seemed a lifetime before everything turned to dust. She never extinguished a fire, just sat and watched as it burned out and faded away- how ironic.
