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I Don't Know
Every evening I ask myself, why do I feel this way,
Like I’m a foot shorter, like it’s another pointless day,
Like I’m going to die soon, like it’s luring me with its innocent little purr,
Like I’m contributing nothing, like it wouldn’t matter even if we were,
Like I’m breaking down, turning a pasty yellow,
Deathly, stealthly, eerily everything meretricious like jello,
So I concern myself with the women I can’t get,
I act tough on the outside, the opposite of a cherry pit,
On the inside I’m a broken shack, a defecated Scooby snack,
A poor excuse, a weakling praying for a truce,
Intellectual fortitude excellent, matters about as much as my coughed up phlegm,
It’s like having the best bullets money can buy, and lacking the gun to shoot them,
I think about what I’m doing with my life, what I’m going to do after this 2 year hiatus,
I haven’t a clue, haven’t the motivation, haven’t the afflatus,
Yet, ironically, I’m inspired to find out why this is,
On the conundrum like a detective, a philosopher, a gifted academic whiz,
No answers, I keep coming up dry,
Tears keep coming up wet, penis keeps coming up like hi,
And that brings me down, lower and lower I keep penetrating,
I find myself thinking, damn, this whole life thing is so enervating,
Ex girlfriend’s stuff is out of the house, now I’m desperately searching,
On everyone’s virtual porch, I’m waiting and perching,
If you want me, it probably means I don’t want you,
If I want you, it’s probably because you’re out of reach no matter what I do,
Evidently I find it attractive that I’m not your type,
Makes me want you more, like a fruit perfectly ripe,
And then I’m sad, and then I have the gall to wonder why,
Like hmmm, I’m the lens and everyone is camera shy,
I text women from the internet, nothing has worked out,
Do I keep trying, persistent like an eagle scout,
If she wants me, my mind works to make her acceptable,
Works overtime, minimizes fatal flaws to imperceptible,
But I know, she’s not for me, not even close to the one,
I can’t topple this,
Has a kid, firearms, tattoos, is morally ignorant, academically naïve,
We pass judgments, regardless of what you believe,
Stereotypes, many of which are true,
Necessary, so when it’s fight or flight you know what to do,
Tangents, who cares,
No girlfriend, but plenty of cats and teddy bears…
