I
Came here upon a blessing
Just to find an empty cup,
A useful provocation I found
To slowly drive me mad.
Truth and lies go hand in hand
As I looked on your dead face,
I haven't stopped shaking for the past three days
For you touched the deeper hell in me.
I'm wearing a garland of insanity
For in madness comes release,
A pretty picture perfect pain
You did bestow on me.
I can not eat or sleep or moralise,
How could love cut me off like this?
Death creeps in slowly with her eyes
And kills a longing lust.
Yet she touches my skin so softly,
Every breath a known one,
Just to draw me in, to lead me on
To a tragic wonderland.
Disaster he did smile
Once learned about the game,
She with faith corrupts the pain
And cheapen the blissful meaning.
I cried the tears of lost mortality
Even as I write down my soul,
From the fifth floor I believe that I could fly
Into my own private hell.
A god given gift that she was,
To the boy the devil raised,
But now I am forever lost
In a love that will never be.
Our last goodbye won't be repeated
For she knows me like herself,
How dare she perform such a magicians trick
Of making passion disappear.
And she sings to my mind so sweetly,
Every note a forceful one,
Just to make me stay, to lose the hate
Just to make her feel all right?
(Enter a newborn voice:)
"A Machiavellian melancholy overcomes
And I lie here waiting, watching.
For I'll bring nothing forever more
Upon the lives of whoever cross me.
I am the tyrant,
I am the sin,
I am what you wish to be,
For now I am imperfectly dead inside
Without her to end the dream."
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II
I am slowly changing
But is it for the better?
I do not know.
All these reasons
Coincide
With the challenge of the future,
But I just do not know.
Everything looks completed
So why am I this scared?
But still I do not know,
If I want to be part
Of a dying civilisation,
I do not know why,
I just do not know why.
Knowledge is commercial
But do I buy in lies?
I do not know.
All these people
Coincide
Without learning of the past,
But I do not know why.
Children sound like gunfire,
Being born to simply cease,
But still I do not know,
Why I should feel like
Scattered pieces of a puzzle,
I do not know why,
I just do not know why.
Pity is a boredom
But do they mirror me?
I do not know.
All these nightmares
Coincide
With this machines manual,
But I do not know how.
Vagabonds look happy,
Nestled in their minds abyss,
But still I do not know,
Who is the man behind,
This covenanted sodomy,
I do not know why,
I just do not know why.
I am now seeing
But can I bear to look?
I do not know.
All these questions
Coincide
With what the answer hides,
But I don’t wish to know.
It's just like on t.v,
The sun sets on the hero,
But I don’t need to know,
What gifts lie in store
Death minus nineteen years
Now I do know why,
Now I really do know why:
I want you now to stop me
Cause you kill it everyday,
Take my life, hold it dear
And break off tiny bits of me.
Caress them with a hate,
No time to quarrel or negate,
And turn your humble conscious off
And free me from these chains.
No words can cloud the historic truth
That I just need to die,
In simple prose bequeathed to you,
One last unfelt goodbye,
For you all are parasitic,
No longer am I your host,
Now fade away,
To someplace else,
So I can start again.
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III
Inside I'm sinking,
(Boy.)
Into a deeper sea,
With puppetry and grand ol' deeds,
(Do as you please.)
I craft a wooden Exodus to
Escape the coming onslaught of,
(But before you go,)
The wrath of Hinenuitepo.
(Don’t live behind the shame.)
A fighter I must learn to be
(A life in guilt does cause much pain,)
In freedom I do find my name
(The shadows are false sanctuary.)
This warm sensation
That I've never felt before,
(And the devil is not your friend)
Would make me kill for one moment more
(Though he is very persuasive.)
Does one construct
(Your memories)
By stealing a piece
(Of somebody else.)
I'll wait to see
(Who truly means nothing)
It's only you and me
(In this grand scheme of life,)
But I won't run away first
(As you so eloquently named it)
For it's all about the truth that
(Will slowly eat you away.)
I pity man
(I pity boy.)
I am a man
(I am a boy.)
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IV
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
My life is in a disarray
The mirror shows a mockery,
Unholy blood drips to the floor
As the war approaches slowly.
Trumpets flare and drummers drum
The sky was bleeding white,
Voices churn and chide and burn
And I laugh quietly to myself.
So come all ye crippled beggars
To the prison that I have dreamt,
It's almost here, it's almost done
(Two minutes until my reckoning).
Don’t cry baby Drip.
I will be there soon,
To hide you from the world Drip.
You feel your sinking in.
Inject me in your body Drip.
And we'll clear the skeletons,
I, sweet death, dost beckon you, Drip.
Come to me,
My one.
Slipping between the soiled truth
That Picassos did once find,
Divine dimensions of the human soul
To lose ourselves within.
A liar, a fool and decadent
Gift wrapped to be alive,
A day or week is lost and gained
In torments unfolding plan.
So come all ye walking wounded
To the prison that is your friend,
It's almost here, it's almost done
(One minute until my reckoning).
Don't move baby Drip.
I can see you now,
Confined inside the very cage Drip.
Where the whole world does reside.
The angel I do see in you Drip.
Not for the whore you see,
I, sweet death, dost want you, Drip.
Come to me,
My one.
A pool of life gathers round my feet
And hands are broken on a slanted cross,
My makeshift martyrdom was never false,
I just spun the truth to suit myself.
A thorn by any other vicious name
Would compensate this shame I feel,
Upon a chair for the diseased
I bruise and scab but cannot heal.
So come all ye lost delinquents
To the prison we call home,
It's almost here, it's almost done
Don't fear baby Drip.
I have got you now,
Freed you from the war Drip.
You were so entangled in.
These arms shall never let you fall Drip.
Into the prison again
I, sweet death, dost hold you now, Dri...
(My reckoning has come).
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V
I walked through doors of righteousness
Made of, the kind of grace
That one only dreams of.
Into a holy vault we did confine our talk,
Of a lost little child
In a human wilderness
We spoke.
In a room where a whiteness is a standard
And, a poly-transversal dimensional spiritual
Is just simply
A way of life
For them.
He did entreat me to begin the talk and,
As I speak with a voice just discovered,
I smell the sweat of a beautiful vengeance
While the words crawled out my mouth.
As I stared at him
"Hey God,
How you doing?"
And I clench my fists a little tighter.
Seeing through his holiness, I said,
"Long time since words of ours have met."
But he did not reply.
And with one hand, he
Motioned me to come a little closer,
To a pointy reckoning.
And the closer I came
To my heavenly father
Who ran away
No remorse for who he was.
And like Poisoden's cruel
And cool revenge,
He did bestow on Odysseus,
The words did march like soldier ants
To carry my message of war.
"You promised to carry me
In times of weakness,
So why did I not feel
Your pristine grip around me?
Into the hands of the Devil
You did give me like a present,
To further complicate,
And completely abstract
An equation that does react,
In your superficial presence right now."
My Achilles heart did lust for wrath,
As this god became my Hector,
Locked into his eyes
My gaze was fixed,
And the words did riot out.
" In years that I have spent
One question lingered,
On my mind,
It burnt my tongue
And I did cry,
With a fiendish bitterness
You supplied.
Your voice did once sing lullaby's,
But now it cackles
Of holy shackles,
Crafted to fit my youthful neck
And designed to distort
And convex
And contort,
My newly reopened child third eye."
A Zephyr's breath
In my vocal cavity
Did speed my message
Of war
To the enemy,
While a spiteful courtesan
Danced in my head,
With faded ribbons of red,
Keeping her black flowing tresses
Of night black hair,
Attacking my wayward mind.
"You were asking me to,
Though I know not why,
Align my convictions to your ignoble crusade,
Where I would have to take part
In this undying cliché
And you said,
"It wouldn't really be all that bad,"
But demons still walk in shadows
Where they cannot be seen,
But felt,
By the one who believes that
He is truly free of
All instinctive chains of social mediocrity,
And your human condition
Is a complete work of fiction,
To make your little lambs suffer
So they will look up to you.
Forever I do take this oath
That I will choose
To survive
Under my own rules and laws abide
And never look up to you."
And I crumbled into
A lifeless heap on the ground
Where the periwinkles lived.
Raised my head to gaze on those eyes again
But instead,
I saw a shadow.
My father had run off again,
And he left me lying here.
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VI
Say goodnight to the moon my dear,
The clouds race past her pale face,
I am no more of what I was
Time shall wait for no one.
I made peace with myself tonight
And the riot inside would slowly die,
My tears a tribute to my strife
As they cascaded down my face.
I took this vessel past the pain,
Beyond the walls that I built up,
Unlocked the safe with answers plenty
And found the boy trapped within.
My mind will let me rest once more,
I've shut the floodgates so I won't drown,
Created by the words I write
My pen has stopped, my poem is done.
And you will see my anger
Blend into the shadows,
Tomorrow's rain will cease
And I will be right here.
Waiting for your misfortunes
To help you understand,
Why the roses in my garden
Will never grow again.
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