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Downtown
This was going to be a poem, with structure, and stanzas. Who needs stanzas. I could walk these streets all night, and let the cool air seep into my depths. I don’t even know what’s down there. I just know that I have depths, and no one has been there. Train whistle. I can’t even hear the song I am listening to. I lift my hand up to itch my eye, it’s been pink for a couple days. But it’s not pink eye. My friend says I have too much time to think. I think about everything every day. I think about where I am going, and what I am going to do next, and what I am going to eat. I look up, where am I? Still on the streets, ok. There are some bitches along the sidewalk but I don’t really want to talk to them. I hope they don’t talk to me, I don’t feel like talking, and it would end up awkward and they would be sorry they did. Then I would feel awkward and want to get away and maybe run. And I would say… aw fuck them, why are people so annoying. But that didn’t happen at all, they just sat there and smoked or something. But I made up this situation in my head and now it’s there like it just happened so now I am actually frustrated with those people. They probably don’t give a fuck about me. If they knew I hated them because of a situation I made up they would be like what the fuck man. But they will never know because I won’t tell them because I don’t want to talk to them. Ok let’s loop around this building or something and head back. I once walked 9 miles and that fucking blew. It was alright till like halfway through then I just want to be back at home cuz I was starved. I’ll probably never do that again. Let’s keep this one short. Sometimes when you are having conversations with yourself like this it’s alright and whatever. But then after a while you get so fucking tired of hearing yourself talk. But it’s your fucking conscience; that thing never shuts up. So that’s pretty much like torture. Fuck another train whistle. Why do they always come in at night? Those fucking train conductors must be out of their minds. Driving across the country in a fucking train. I would go nuts. If I was a train conductor I would have the fucking fastest car ever. After being in a train for 15 hours I would want to drive home at like 110 the whole way. That would be so sweet. Do they keep the lights on all night around here? I’m no electrical engineer but that seems a little wasteful. Luckily I don’t give a fuck. Well I just talked to my friend on the way home, felt important cuz I was on the phone. She was a little tipsy. Tipsy drunk that is, not like balance-wise. I had no idea how well coordinated she was because I was on the phone with her and she said she was lying down. Most of the time she didn’t seem like she knew what she was talking about, but some of the time she did. And what she said to me helped me, not because her words were so true and made me think differently and realize things, but because she cared. She told me them because she is my friend and wants me to feel better. And I listened to what she had to say and it made me feel better, because we were in it together. And that is powerful, it’s one of the most powerful feelings, when friends come together to help each other, totally selfless. Tonight she mentioned feeling bad about talking with others about their problems, it’s like throwing your burdens on them. Well acquaintances and mediocre friends don’t want that shit, it’s true. But me, I want that shit. Dish it out as much as you can. A true friend can take so much of that shit it’s insane. I have arrived at my cool new apartment. Not it’s a piece of shit. All day I was troubled, depressed, sick. Now I feel better. I feel like being me is ok, so I am going to bed now just to start over again tomorrow.
