PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I am my own worst sabotage. I put myself in the corner and am surprised when I run into walls. I throw myself off bridges and the shock of it all hits me after the water does. I pull at my own skin and am surprised to be unraveling. You cannot kill me as fast as I can.

You cannot hit me before I feel the knife to the heart that is waking up and realizing I do not have quite enough love left to give without splitting apart- or worse, I have too much. I think I have too much love to feel right. I feel wrong for breathing out all this love. I exhale it like carbon, I can’t see you for all the smoke that’s in my eyes. I have so much skin touching the air that I feel it like needles. I fall asleep thinking, what’s the difference between gas and solid anyway?

There are all these snippets I carry with me and I’m not sure which ones are real or not. To rearrange them I get wine drunk and fall in love with strangers I think I know but never myself. I tell everyone they’re beautiful in my head, I may be wrong, I may be going against all the rules of social interaction by staring too long at places I shouldn’t and not saying anything, but I do know you have to learn the rules to break them.

You cannot split me apart because I never learn the rules. Clumsy but still I sidestep them, an inconvenient thunderstorm. I want to overdose on the different but I do not need to anymore, I don’t want any more of these midnights. It feels like midnight even when it isn’t. It feels like lying even when it is. It feels like the mud pouring into me that I am coaxing with both hands. And sometimes being human, poison doesn’t seem like the worst way to go.

I never learn the rules. I learn them like my sharp heart, taking pinpricks of everyone’s ink, burnt coffee smiles and dirty compliments, I am there but we are apart and together, memories splitting the silly little happenings from the way I am writing rewriting editing it, they must be so different and I still know you cannot kill me.