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long nights/spiteful tears
so, it's been a couple days, and no word. you're nervous, almost shakey... but it's an involentary reaction to what is about to come. you can't predict what this future wants to show you and you hate not knowing. there's a tension in your silence, it kills to know you were always right. and you wish you could change your memory, make it new. pretend you had nothing to do with anything but happiness. but you know deep down inside what you are capable of causing. fear strikes only those who know it's coming. and it hurts the most when it comes from within. i tried to change a life. but i am only able to refurnish it. i have a distinct ability to become something new when the new gets old. year after year of mindless phases and wishes on stars. do you know what a star is? tell me how logical it is to put faith in an unpredictable mass of gaseous substances? how would it feel to find out that the star that holds all your dreams died out millions of years ago and you are just seeing a remnent of the light it left over? do you know how many nights a person can cry while willing the tears to freeze onto their face. you could march up to anyone then and they'd know what you go through. in one night a whole world can change, for the better... the worse... the everything in between. but you never can control it. you never can predict this outcome. and i want to end this, but i could have a million words racked up in my brain and not one will be enough to sell this ending.
i have a feeling...
... i think this is going to hurt
