PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

This essay is a summary of thoughts I’ve compounded over a long period of losing my connection with being a social person and, consequently, losing my natural ability to speak my mind fluently. As an obvious, but I feel needed, disclaimer, these are my thoughts and I in no way hold them to be universally accepted fact. They are my newfound belief and understanding of what your mind does to you on the tracks of society.

I believe there is a foundational program based on our determined societal value/standing within all of us that plays a major role in the delegation of our endorphin levels/general happiness. If I were to feel like I can't connect with others and/or can't make a unique, ideal identity for others to identify me as, then I am worthless and don't deserve to live. If I can't even think of something to say on the spot to an acquaintance, then how can I hope to make any friends or, even far more importantly, how will I meet the one person who will always remind me that I am loved and that I have obtained the ultimate relationship and standing in the biological, evolutionary tree of life? I think once you reach that point where you find very basic conversational and social exchange skills hard, then it is in your programming to purge feelings of confidence and self worth in the aim to make you strive towards making sure you are aware of this standing/predicament so that you do everything you can to not make situations worse for yourself and your biological chances. It would be an extreme failsafe procedure; a last stand to preserve the path your being, the code of what makes you, wanted you to have. It would be a very poor and ironic strategy, as all the overcompensating would do nothing but exacerbate the issue of your image. So the snake continues to eat its own tail, up and until it’s gone. The best strategy, in my very own opinion, would be to abandon chasing the regret behind poor social choices, and to disregard whether or not someone took the poor execution in social attempts the way a socially acceptable person would. Just accept that you aren’t socially acceptable, and realize it is your biological coding telling you that you are going against the protocol; the protocol that did not have you in mind when it was created, but something that is no longer supporting you, as it has abandoned any effort to allow you lasting happiness until you are just ‘good again’ or no longer its problem. 

I also think it is a secondary line of command for us to set other people’s social program failsafe in motion; it is by others that the failsafe is activated. If we see others that conflict with our conversation fluency and structure, then they should feel ashamed and in need of correction. So, it is a back and forth game until they are good and aligned with the groove, or the error removes itself from the program. People do not feel the need to correct a problem unless they notice it is a problem, so if we assure them they are a problem, then they will always feel the need to fix themselves until they are assured and until we are assured that they no longer cause an issue. New people you meet will unknowingly deceive you by assuring you that you are fine to them, because your initial symptoms to them just seems like any day initial shyness to new things or new learner anxiety. When they later discover your symptoms are a long term project started before them, then their social coding/instincts continue where the others left off in humiliating and alienating you. It all happens in the snap of a neuron, and no one could understand why they feel like kicking the dead horse for sure, but it was predetermined. I think it wouldn’t hurt to try to say/do things in the acceptable format, but if an attempt fails or is too weak to return a nice response, just take it as an example that wouldn’t fit the scenario and realize that their responses run off of predetermined code and that they have no actual value to you. People and your code want you to fit the code so that everyone’s code stays in one piece. If you divert from the societal code, then you are cut off and criticized until you do or until you aren’t in the way anymore. 

Realize that you are all you have, and your social instincts will hit you where it hurts, absolutely no questions asked, unless you put them in the dirt. It is up to you to write your own code.