PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

She questions her whole life. Did anyone ever really care? She remembers the wrongful actions of her dad that still haunt her today. Why would a father act in such a way? The darkness that followed affect her everyday. It affects her thoughts, relationships and future. She remembers those cold mornings he let her touch him. She didn't know any better. She couldn't comprehend what he was doing. Such an innocent mind knew no evil. That evil slowly crept into her life as she matured into a young women. Confused as to what really happened she had blocked it out for years but always had those creeping thoughts of mistrust towards her father, but never knew why. He had betrayed her in a way where she could never look at another man the same way again. Now that she's old enough to know the extent of his actions she has a hard time moving on. It affects everything. And her mom...her mom betrayed her to the point of really fucking her up. She never knew what it was like to feel love and nurturing from a family. Forced to be an adult as such a young age is not what an 8 year old should have to know. She remembers all of the men. Their names and faces she can't forget. She remembers the nights her stepdad lie on the couch while her mother fucked different men. Then to come home and tell her the stories. At the innocent age of 8 she remembers a knock on the door. They took her away. Stripped her down and felt her for bruises. She remembers talk in the background of her mother using drugs and hitting her. She can't shake the man with the coke bottle glasses and dandruf in his hair with the clipboard of checks and comments. She didn't understand why she was there. Why her mother was such a fuck up. She can't forget the multiple personalities. She hears stomping up the staircase. She hides under the blankets hoping it isn't real. The screaming, the hitting, the stomping and slamming of doors haunts her dreams at night. She smokes every night just so the dark cloud of thoughts dosnt take her away into the night. She wonders why a mother would let heroin run through her veins. She wonders what her thoughts were like. Was her mother thinking about her while she was getting high? Did her mother even care how it would affect her daughter? Did she know what she was doing when she was stealing from the person she brought into this world? The person she was supposed to help grow. Her mother and father stole her innocence. She never knew what innocence was. She feels nothing today and longs for a day where she can feel anything, anything at all. She dosnt know love, feels no heartbreak. She's forced to wear a smile that dosnt seem real. No one cares about her. No one calls her. She wishes there was someone out there who feels the same pain that can comfort her soul. Someone that can tell her "baby everything will be ok, we have each other". That's all she needs. As she writes down her thoughts the tears begin to flow. She holds onto those tears because its the only feeling her mind and body will let her have. She trusts no one, especially herself. She is so fucked up that no one can ever truly except her. She's embarrassed of her past and afraid to share it with the world. So she writes and writes hoping one day someone will listen.