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walking through the world

i see so much i want

so much i need

so much that's not me.

so much for learning to live with me



seeing happiness is enough to drive me mad

seeing lovers love makes me want what i never had

a hatred that i have

for things that aren't

for things that i'm not

for things that i am.



want to be something else

want to be with someone

want to be someone



i could be the moon

but i'd still be jealous of the stars

hating the world

embracing my own scars

something more than me



jealous much? you bet

malcontent? damn straight



my friends have it all

and i've still got more

but i feel the pain

anger, nothing more



pains from the past

should be gone

allways last



seeing this happiness

makes me sick

why can't they be miserable

at least for me



self pity? damn straight

manic deppressive? fuck yes



i try to believe

and i try to find

things that make me happy



i can't reach it

i cannot see

it should be right in front of me

it's not....



i'm just rambling on

just rambling on

no point anymore

i'm supposed to keep believing in something, maybe

instead of crying for nothing



i cannot listen

i cannot see

i'm supposed to have dreams

but they only make me weak



i'm not normal

and i do have friends

but i want something more

i want to be held

i want to be reassured

i want someone to be my rock

it's allways the other way around



even a shield must be repaired

i can protect everyone else

and i can worry for them

but i leave myself to my own devices



fuck it man. i can't stand it man

fuck your happiness

fuck the couples

fuck the children

and fuck you



i hope she cheats on you

i hope he bangs your best friend

i want to see misery

i want to see someone else get the shaft

someone else get the boot

i wanna know what it's like to not get fucked

i'm not one to do the fucking

but i'd still like to see it happen



i hate it...

i hate that i'm so weak

so petty

so vulnerable...



something should be over

it's not

something shouldn't hurt anymore

it does

something shouldn't keep bugging me

it continues



i'm still not over it

and i'm not sure what it is



my mind is a torturous place

i really want to just end it all

i'm allready a disgrace

just seal my fate

fuck it man