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Memory and Observation v.5
So a great weekend has ended somewhat abruptly, and I've been dumped back into highschool - into the real world- and am left feeling extremely empty.
Sugoicon was amazing... I really didn't want it to end. I felt like I belonged so strongly. So many great people, so many fun things to experience. Trying new things, meeting new friends, enjoying great competition for the first time in my beat-'em-up career, seeing awesome new shows and hearing some crazy music. There was even a rave, and I actually felt pumped enough to get into the center of the dance circle and make a complete idiot of myself. I even got to cosplay as Iori, and with Rob as Kyo at my side... Well, there was no avoiding us dueling to the end in the middle of the dance floor. We didn't get much of a reaction, but it was definitely a victory for me.
Seeing everybody bust loose and have such a care-free three days really makes you appreciate the alternatives to every-day life. I suppose for some, this is what concerts provide to them. For others, it could be more interest-specific things, like maybe auctions or other sorts of conventions. I don't know. All I'm really aware of is how terribly I don't want to be in school at the moment, and how badly I miss it.
We're here for another two days before being set free for Thanksgiving break. It doesn't matter much, my days are already going to be burned and wasted by work and obligation. I'm sick of that retirement center. It doesn't really matter how easy each of the jobs become. If I only worked three days a week, that'd be fine, but I'm generally working five or six. And when it's stabbed directly into the afternoon and lasts until late evening, it just throws anything you had planned off-balance.
Oak Hills is rather lucky for simply getting out every day this week. I'm not exactly sure why they do and we don't, being a part of the same district is all. Atleast I've been told we're a part of the same district. I'm rather tired and irritable at the moment and don't wish to be bothered, but that's essentially what school's becoming. An annoyance. I thought that I would be happy here, I even managed to make the honor roll for first quarter. Isn't that something? Not when the classes are so easy. Drawing just keeps getting harder, and I haven't written anything of significance in quite a while. It's getting old. Everything's getting old. Don't I sound ever-so emotional? I shouldn't, I haven't felt this absent of feeling since I was on Zoloft.
I keep drifting in and out of these awkward quiet spells, and most of the time, I prefer to be left alone. I thought that this was just an attention-hungry phase I had weathered the past two years or so, but this time it seems more relevent. I actually want to be left alone this time around, atleast when these moods come into focus.
Without much reason to feel motivated, it seems that I am once again slipping under the academic quota, and am drifting through a state of eternal apathy. Again. I've found that my skills in Guilty Gear have risen significantly, and a few new friends at Sugoi gave me some interesting advice and showed me some insane uses for different characters. It gives me many reasons to keep playing harder, the next con isn't too far away. Guilty Gear Isuka was the most ridiculous disappointment that I think I've ever experienced in all the time I've played video-games. I had been looking forward to it so heavily for nearly a year, and when I finally pick it up, I play it for an hour, put it down, and will most likely never play it again. I suppose I shouldn't have relied so heavily on its release to keep me happy. It sure as hell didn't work out. And my god I'm so fucking sick of the Xbox.
No musical talent, a slowly eroding and no-longer active love of drawing, a complacent and slow-paced writer's block and a new-found lack of care for the world around me. I think I'm ready for the real world. I'm sure that as soon as it hits me head-on, I'll die from shock.
