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She doesn't understand
As she gazes out the foggy window, she stares into the night sky, wishing she'd ended it when she had the chance. She learned to live with a smile on her face, convincing people she had a normal life. But when people, one by one turn their backs on her, the sadness returns, and the smile fades.
She learned to cope with the pain of getting out of bed every day, laughing when she's sick and tired of crying. On the days that she felt sadder than usual, She'd get told to "gosh don't be too happy" and "someone looks happy today". People would ask her "whats wrong?" yet they wouldn't linger around to hear her answer, although it always seemed to be "it doesn't matter".
Sometimes she talks to the moon, gazing in awe at it's beauty, trying to figure out how something could be so perfect. She talks like someone is there, listening to what she has to say, even though there's no-one.
People complain to her how much they hate their life, tell her that she doesn't know what it's like. When she tells them little things, they claim that they know how she feels, when in theory they have no clue.
She has trouble sleeping, most of the time she gets about an hour or two of sleep at the most. The rest of the time she spends staring at the ceiling wondering what on earth she did to deserve so much pain.
In class they talk about mental illnesses, about depression. They claim that it's a mental illness. It just makes her feel stupid, and like she has a disability. The teacher asked everyone to do a depression test, some people seem very open about their results, but she would rather keep it to herself.
