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Wait for the flag...then run
One in a million screams telling me my future and i just bite my nails and wait for someone to suggest the quiet game because hide and go seek always scared me into believing that i was prey and helusinate domestic abuse...
Sometimes hard and dry- but my heart is rubber. Unwind the cruelty of past beats of blood whether from organ or fist. Remember who i was? And here i lie on a belly full of butterflys- how did you pull my rubber heart in such a strange contortion? You massage it to flexability and it is painful to pull back... I hate the thought of being trapped much more than i hate the idea of being alone...
pick the right door...
the face of the earth has dropped me- and i can hear needles hit the floor before the silence. The comfort that my belly button ring gave me is now being replaced with a pre-owned, stuffed monkey. Is lonliness a sympton only a child has? Well, then call me an infant because denial only scares me more.
And so here i lay on someone elses bed, in someone elses room, in a temporary home, in a temporary country, living a temporary life because it is my right as a women given free will to choose this lifestyle. Modest Mouse was right when they sung that God didn't want to be an asshole/control freak.
Cactus hugs then lay me to rest on a floor made of wood. Buy me a bed before a diamond ring and learn to hug me before kissing me...i'm not that cold.
Breathe...relax...give peace a chance. Speak nice words to my eardrum. The mean people are on my case and stubby fingers point at my face. Rest my head on your chest and i'll feel safe at best. It's a fuzzy sock kind of comfort...
Understand me?
That makes one of us because this skin is too tight for this body. Uncomfortable. Closterphobic. Be my friend- because i need someone to become familiar to me. I'm terrified of what i could become when what i know becomes foggy and my high beams stopped working- or maybe i forgot where the button is...
either way, i'm blind...
And i'm an aweful person to lead. But here i am stuck between a cave and a meadow hoping to find a peaceful forest- counting own until takeoff. Maybe stubborn isn't a harsh enough word for someone who loves change but refuses to change herself.
whoever is reading this is confused...
But i'm only writing in code- kind of like Tolkin only learning my language isn't as cool.
No, i'm not offended
Because i'm the same way, so let's begin with a pinky swear of never trusting eacbother. But that's a commitment isn't it? And having my pinky held makes me feel vulnerable and constricted so let's just make it known by never using the word love and pretending we don't care...
Sixteen weeks plus some (i tap my foot while they roll their eyes)
Because the pavement is made from your broken bottles, but they never tell you until you're addicted. It's easier when the curb is blurry because when you slow down to notice the details you start thinking logically...
Battery run beat
I never expected this to charge me so fast
But strength is relative and suffering caries. Carving hearts into 2 by 4s before building my cage- bless this home and protect my guests from falling through the floor. Creeky but strong enough and if the music is loud enough you'll never know that you're in danger. Just avoid the cracks and don't be too bold and put the mistletoe above bricka nd hope the crumbling doesn't represent your kiss and when he takes the breath from your lungs and leads you by hand towards the center of the ballroom remember the cracks and be afria dof what lies below...
Too many directions at once...
My vital organs ache and my caffine filled veins make my hands shake. Time kills memories. Memories kill time...so i fold my clothes slowly (but i'm not really thinking about what i'm doing so i'll have to refold them later) and i picture a time- any time. And then i'll edit that time from this journal so that no one but me remembers it...
