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Every night 

Im haunted by

My nightmares

I know I did wrong

I know I didnt

Let my heart heal

From one break up

To the next

I know I was verbally abusive

I know I didnt treat her right

Because I didnt heal

From my first heart break

I know I hurt both of them

But the one that

Strikes deap is my second one

Most of all

I didnt expect to fall

So far in love

And yet I

Didnt heal

And I took it out

On my second

I lost my only son

Who had my last name

I lost my second chance

To prove too her I

Have changed and to show

Her I am better

And how I can

Treat her better

After I seen a councler

I'm trying to stay strong

Im even talking to my first

About my second

Which I never even imagined

I would ever be doing

I know and feel

It will come back to haunt me

Or bite me in the rear end

But I can't begin to tell you

I feel better afterward

I know it hurts her to hear 

All of these things but

She is being honest with me

About what happened

And I want to do the same 

With her

I know it must not

Be easy to hear

Anout me and another

When I know she still loves me

Even after all the stuff

I put her through

Emotionally

I know she has her own

Issues to deal with

As well as our two sons

To handle

I know I have messed up

And I even told her I

Still love the other still

I know that hurt her deeply

But I dont wish to lie to her

Anymore either

I know we have suffered

And hurt eachother

Yet...

Susan has still stayed

Even when I did

Almost everything to have

Lost her

She has still been by my side

Even when she knows

And thinks

I will never be hers again

Even if thats true or not

I dont know

I know I cant love

Anyone right now

Till i can heal myself

And move on

Even if my darkness

Feels like its

Sufficating me

To the point of no

Return

Susan has always been their

I can't even begin to say

How thankful I am for that

Even when I truly

Dont deseve it

And she deserves better

Yet...

She has been their

I know she has shed

So many tears

Because of me

And I cant even

Begin to say

How utterly sorry 

I truly

Am