PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

            To love one and to be in love with another. How do you do that? To love someone so deeply you would take every ounce of their pain if you could, and then turn around and you’re in love with someone else, their best friend in fact. You met him first, you fell in love with him and then you met his friends. One of those friends caught your eye. You knew he needed someone, you know he needs you. You do all you can but he still hurts. It hurts you to see him hurt and it hurts your lover to see you both hurt. You feel like you’re a cause of part of his pain because he loves you too, he has a crush on you and you’re all open about it. Your lover knows but trusts you both. You know and wish he didn’t. He told you both and felt ashamed. You wish he didn’t have a crush on you, you wish you could stop hurting him by being so close but not in the right way. You want to be there for you but you can’t be because you’re not in love with him. You’re not in love with him but sometimes you ask yourself why you aren’t and then other times you remind yourself why you’re not. You almost want to be, but you also don’t. You know that if you left your lover for him he wouldn’t trust you and it would hurt all three of you more than it would help. You want him to be happy more than anything. You sometimes put his happiness before your own and try so hard. You truly love your lover, every piece of him and want the best for him, while you love his friend, your friend, just as much but not in the same ways. All you want is for him to find someone just like yourself, someone who would see him for what and who he truly is, and to love him as purely, as truly as you do, but will fall in love with him and take his pain as you are unable to do. You would be jealous but you would be happy for him. You love him and you want the best for him. You want him to be just as happy as your lover is because of you. You take your lovers pain. You cheer your lover up, you make him feel like he could fly. You make him feel like he belongs here, where he hates, where he wanted to leave as soon as he got here, but stayed for you. You feel guilty every time it’s mentioned that they would have moved back. You feel like every ounce of both of their pain is your own fault because you’re keeping your lover here, away from his friends. You feel like if it wasn’t for you, they would both be happier, where they grew up together. You feel like… You don’t deserve your lovers love because of your selfishness. You feel guilty every time you think about how you’re keeping him here, so you try not to think about it. It weighs down your heart every day. All you want is to see them happy. Completely happy. With or without you included, because seeing them happy would make you happy. Happy enough. But you’re too selfish to let him go.