How is one to pursue happiness when no such state of being exists? Like chasing a rainbow wrapped in a blanket of smog, choking the life out of each color as well as my own. How to tell you is the question at hand. Let you read my thoughts, never. Reveal any more of my true self, never. Just tell you I'm running and leave it at that. Isolation, seclusion, being alone; how does this appeal to me & why? The thought of being shielded from hurt, torment and others like you is a dream. 2 people in my life that really care. I'm scared as I watch them both fade into the shadows. Oh I so long to be there as if to greet them when they arrive. Mae your all I ever had, please forgive me for any pain I have caused you. It has been paid back through my suffering. My father which I never let into my heart, I want you to know you did the best you could; I wish I could have made you both proud. I have lost the fight of L.L.I.F.F.E.