I had to lose him
Just to claim my victory.
I had to chase him off
Just to prove I could handle the closeness,
And I had to handle the closeness
Just so I could avoid having to prove anything.
I had to take the anything
And make it everything I wanted.
I had to rehearse what I wanted
Because I wasn’t really sure what I wanted.
I had to fight with what I wanted
Because was it what I really wanted?
I had to look into his eyes
And imagine the uninhibited
Just to inhibit the tears.
In the end I had to look away
Just so I could see him
The way he was.
The way he was, was no different
My eyes are just more honest now.
The honesty is understood
Just never spoken,
So we stick to polite speaking,
Maybe even hugging,
If proximity is considered hugging,
Because that is all I ever wanted,
It’s just too bad that’s all I was ever given.