PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

by DaddyO

Recently a woman I was interested in getting to know told me she was holding on to a "love" that she knew wasn't right for her. She had simply fallen in love with this person, and had no choice in the matter. Her love for him hit her out of the blue, like a car accident.

At the time of this writing, the beginning of 2013, I am not in any serious relationships. There are several lovers from my past that I still love, but sadly there is no one I am in a relationship with who I can say "I love you" to.

It takes (at least) two to make a relationship, and when the one(s) you love are not on the same page as you are as to what defines a loving relationship, you are not able to say you are in a loving relationship with anyone.

That got me thinking. I looked back on the people whom I had declared love for in my life and wondered if it was something that simply "just happened" or if I had made the choice to love them. In every instance my declaration of love towards them was smooth, easy going and painless. But it was due to me choosing them. They all either showed traits I desired or sexual chemistry with me and it was a no-brainer decision to start loving them.

Of the women I have loved, a high percentage remain cordial friends. A few have such hurtful vendettas against me for misunderstandings that they have brutally severed the ties of what once were loving bonds. In those instances it is quite easy to no longer admit any affinity towards them.

But what of the shattered romances in which both person's love continues yet neither party is either not able to accept, or fails to prosper from the other's love? Curiously, in every instance of this sort of breakdown, I was told I either didn't love her "correctly" or the way I loved just wasn't a "fit."

I have been suffering from depression lately due to the intense loss felt by my decision to sever ties with quite possibly two of the most wonderful and prominent women in the local scene. Women who I still respect, love and admire dearly. My decision to break up was not based on any wrongdoing on their parts. Both ladies simply have a different attitude about commitment than I do.

I had discovered about myself that I desired something different than what they were able to give me. I want to be someone's priority. This is not a desire of theirs. Or if it is, they didn't want me as the one reciprocating the prioritization. As a Daddy Dom, I desired to be number one.

To their credit, their boundaries and limits were clearly stated towards me from the beginning, and it was only my wishful thinking that led me to believe that that may have changed over time. It didn't. My status as a priority (which was short lived and never official) quickly vanished.

In the case of the one I was living with, she had started out as my secondary (a position she liked) and due to my divorce, was thrust into the primary role without her consent.

In the case of the other, I think she had started seeing me for a specific purpose and when I noticed she wanted other things, I inserted my desire to be those things to her when her desire was to find those things in other people who were more of a fit in that area for her.

So in writing this, my goal was to convey the theory that love is like a car crash; that it can and often does hit us without us knowing -or- we can choose to examine potential lovers qualities and chemistries and decide to run our vehicles headlong into their brick walls with intent.

What I am finding is that love is indeed like a car accident and breaking up is more like taking your car in for repairs.

From now on I am going to crash my car more intentionally. But when you are not able to define love, even for yourself, how is one to know your definition of love is the same as the one your potential partner has? And to make matters worse, even if you find someone who shares with you the exact same definition of love as you do, who is to say that they will want to share that "love" with you?

Perhaps sharing a common definition of what love is, is not crucial to being in love?

Perhaps we'll never know.