Author Information
"A Mix of Want and Fear"
by Jeph Johnson
"it's so hard to dance that way"
when our eyes first met,
she said
I decided she was
pretty kickin'
next to me
at the table
so we planned
some time to spend
scribbling words
upon a page
like letters
twenty-six
-
and soon we had
the perfect day
...the best day of my life...
chiming in "so far"
she said
"what about tonight?"
-
but my tenderness tore through her
falling into a tender trap
floating through my poetry
crawling up in my lap
for while choosing my words too sweetly
like potpourri or perfume
true love, convinced completely
was all too close too soon
so she said she wanted to be,
sometimes
like common people awhile
so letting go,
for three whole days
I did not see her smile
-
she feared what I wanted
I wanted what she fears
with the fear that greys
the night and haunts
the roadside raining tears
-
one night I thought
would be our last
kiss underneath mistletoe
holding tight,
throughout the night
she drove on
not letting go
and for three more days
I cried like she wanted me to hate her
and almost got me drinkin'
sobriety came much later
after the saddest
experience I've ever known
became the saddest
experience I've ever felt
she said "no"
but staying friends
at the time
seemed the best decision
and my heart
it almost melted
but again
she still looked in
my eyes
and smiled
with her special pout
that makes her her
and only her
trying to get out
-
so I don't cry any more
my tears are out of style
despite waiting
half my life away
for the miracle of her smile
-
dreams and nightmares
drift away
despite another perfect day
-
when I woke up
the rain was still
pouring onto the ground
like a wave of mutilation
built up
to wreck it down
-
if I were me
I'd fall in love
with you again much better
only this time
reason and rhyme
fight out in love letters
-
she might have said something
she didn't mean to say
and now it's going to be
one hell of a night today
I'll take these dreams
and make them whole
in a truly sweet collaboration
emotional idiocy inside my soul
with toned down exaggeration
