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Barely Balanced
I’m in denial
walking barefoot through the stream
the river’s pebbled edges
prick my soles,
but not my whole
and what I see rising up ahead
is a mirage that I have bled
time and time again before
Out of phase in an unkempt place
swiping at smudges on this face
that you declare unclean
and in need of scour.
I swing my earthy balance
onto these stepping stones presented before me,
an instant hunger for the leading,
my insanity, still pleading
Through the briskly, winded, dewy grass,
I can see that past.
Staggering tiredly, looking on,
seeking the certainty of a sturdy base,
I find no balance from the moss.
Running from and running towards
anything to warm my core
for the cold and sullen chills along this water
are preventing my escape
If your heels keep steppin’ on your cape
then you know
that the demons within are bound to show
simply corking holes in your armor
won’t do nothin’ but slow you down.
I must bring myself to kneel,
and drink from this stream that I know too well,
just a little bit longer.
I appear to be at ease
but my pain is getting stronger.
Good times get fought
when the soul clenches
So gather benevolence,
substantial evidence
keep your distance
but try hard not to get caught.
Horizon seems a pale shade of shy blue
as I imagine one of daybreak orange and early yellow
my eyes prepare for the blinding of brilliance,
only to glimpse the aftermath of a lie.
Thoughtless trees with their splintering words,
suddenly spread their twisted, thorny branches around this path
persuading steady containment
on this scanty coast of nub
that we so proudly aimed to boast of.
Vicious claws from birds in flight
reveal the shadows that held my fright
tearing truth into what I knew
I stand the one to misconstrue,
never was I to trouble you.
In this time of your troubled youth,
you could not make use of this serenity
you were the one who was too good,
causing chaos and entrapment
that I believed you never could.
Energy overwhelmed with scents of your clean hair,
underlying fear
caramelized with false hope,
my lungs choke deeply
breathing in your beauty
and its fading imitation of love,
stimulating my senses,
while gutting my emotions.
The sun pours in through the forest ahead,
with one mobile fringe still beating
accepting now a part of me dead
moving steadily now, unsuspecting
unprepared
with air so deceiving.
Feet made raw from this nameless search shall heal just fine
within poignant time.
my thoughts belong back to me now
control of direction open to my hand
but it won’t be the one that feeds your absence
anymore.
Eyes will be sore
from lack of sleep and much confusion
but aside from all my illusions
clarity steps into view
awareness begins to develop
though inevitably still enveloped,
I need to be lost in this haze with you.
My hands so brittle, calloused and weak
they quietly bathe in the moisture
that now seeps silently from the grass’s dew.
