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Desperate
As each new day dawns I realize the things I have lost,
Your love, Your trust, Your respect and most importantly completeness.
I know that I have hurt you in the most perverse way imaginable.
Please allow forgiveness to replace the mistrust.
I try desperately each day to heal your hurt.
It will take time and patience to regain such love from you.
But waiting is such a hard thing. It is tormenting to wait.
It is so disheartening not to be able physically to give you the things you desire.
I begin to hate myself for that.
Hate is such a despicable thing to have for oneself.
I don't know how to deal with this self hatred.
Each night I realize that the only thing that matters is you.
Each night I lay awake and wonder what could I have done differently during the waking hours to make things better for you.
How much I need and want to hold you, kiss you, make love to you, just have you back completely.
I try intensely not to overwhelm you, but my love is so all consuming for you this is a Immense task.
I want you to continue to be you, desiring that being you includes me.
