confusion
and disbelief
mock my aching heart
what lesson will emerge
from the rank horror
of all this grief
an innocent life
I had to forfeit
brave, courageous soul
maneuvering the death lanes
of a desolate state highway
for who knows how long
four defiant paws
going they know not where
lost and alone
emaciated to just skin,
hope and bones
a lovely but desperate face
with stunningly intelligent eyes
looked upon me with fearful hope
and she timidly trusted
I knew I could not keep her
but I knew I could not leave
her to further starve and or die
some heart wrenching death
there along that distant road side
and so I questionably rescued her
only to 26 hours later
have to hand her over
to those who will gracefully
at least I hope
put her into God's very own hands
I am left to wrestle only with
my tormented conscience now
did I save her or just speed up
the outcome of her death
forgive me sweet Loosey.................
(Aug 8, 2011 616pm)
Author's Notes/Comments:
I found an abandoned emaciated stray female dog who had recently had puppies though none were in sight when I found her wondering hungry, scared and alone on a desolate state highway. I stopped and picked her up cause I just couldn't leave her out there to die. I had originally hoped to find a no kill shelter to send her too as due to my circumstances I could in no way keep her. I was so hopeful to find a no kill shelter until I got nothing but answering machines and email addresses and very little contact back and when I was contacted back it was only to hear the person at the other end politely say I am so sorry but we are full up. I tried to put myself in her position and I truly believe upon careful thought that I would much rather be humanely put to death by lethal injection than either be left on that highway to further slowly starve and or get run over by a car or truck. Nor would I want to be left in a no kill shelter for months and or years on end cause I'm a big older dog and not so cute and cuddly. It hurt like hell to take that dog to the humane society but I tried to tell myself as I was driving away in a few minutes she will not be in anymore pain nor will she be alone. She will be with God and back in perfect form never to know again what abandonment feels like. Still it hurt but I'll try in the next few weeks as I am attempting to get past all this to comfort myself with that knowledge my soul gives me. I named the sweet thing Loosey ( pronounced Lucy) as I found her running loose on a very busy desolate highway. I pray she understands why I did what I did and knows I did it out of love for her well being. This may sounds so silly to others but it was very hard on me today to have to do this. I won't be right for some time now. Time of course will heal this gaping wound in my heart but I know it will be gradual.
