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rising tearfully
in myself
I feel that inner strength
compounding
stiffening my resolve
why cry anymore
my analytical mind asks
stop fighting
a losing fight
what's the point
reality is what it is
and I am me
in all my glaring flaws
my weaknesses
make my strengths
all the more glorious
I am bent but not broken
thoughtfully I become callous
I must adapt and thicken my
paper thin hide
as there is nobody but me
looking out for me
a painfully harsh reality
and that's the way its suppose
to be
I am isolation's mule
I love and I lose
I gamble and I get taken
I love too much
and my love is forsaken
leaving me to look
more and more ridiculous
like in Eat, Pray, Love
my word must be
PATHETIC
it's a big tattoo
on my forehead
I dare surmise
or maybe
a slow cancer in my heart
I come to the table of love
with serious handicaps
and blindly I believe
the game that is being played
and I begin to love
my logic usually saves me
from complete annihilation
but sometimes I am cleverly
lured
everybody wants love
I'm no different
I just wish I could see
a little deeper into people
and understand why they
make me love them
only to then unsheathe
their terrible claws
when I am at my very lowest
and already dangerously bleeding out
they stand over me
stabbing me with their expectations
that I should understand
maybe I am wrong to be hurt by their
actions
but I was bullied in school
and I know a bully's tactics
when I witness them being used
on me
in a split second I was given the insight
where I use to be thought of oh so highly
I was suddenly looked down upon
and made to feel wrong, crazy and small
I'm still me and I hurt when I feel abandoned
and I know I'll die, having all through
this life, carried within me these
terribly painful flaws....................
(March 11, 2011 457am)