THE SEAM BENEATH THE SPLIT

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JOURNAL #9

he lost me from the first day he merely thought

about letting go

so I in turn took a long holiday and when I came back

I had a new lover in tow

temporary relief some would be a little too quick to assume

but love #2 would only be the beginning to my quintessential ruin

actually he was just one of many on a vast trail of

destructive self hate

yet all the while, while submersed in this automatic pilot state

deep down inside I so wanted to run from this repetitive room of misfortunate fate

but I just couldn't find a suitable path that I liked

long enough to escape

what I didn't realize though at the time with the will inside you its never too late

even after a long bout of suffering self inflicted mental rape

so, I've finally come full circle and have arrived back

at my former feeling worthless self where my only

invested vice is my plus poundage in concern to my

weight................

(written Jan. 1,1993 )

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this came from some made for television movie where the girl was a good girl but her boyfriend dumped her cause she was chubby so she lost weight and went out and had many affairs to get back at him and how that did not work out so well for her. Was sad. In the movie the girl became thin and famous but trashed herself up to get there. I found it quite sad but understood her pretty well. She just made some very bad choices in my view.

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