today I experienced one of the lowest points in my life
please forgive me for this emotional mess I make as I
attempt to remove all residue of my dire despair from
the duel edge of the knife
what weapons do I have left at my disposal still fresh
in store
I don't expect too much from myself
just a little more
maybe a small gap opening up to what could be a good
opportunity or once in a life time chance
something so great of which for my life this unexplainable
occurrence would somehow enhance
hope can become so dark, cloudy and vague
it must seem so unbecoming in the eyes of God when
a desperate soul reduces himself to have to beg
I called out to misfortune but apparently not by her
rightful name
I looked away for a mere instant and in her place
harsh reality came
after that I tried to talk myself down from this ledge
I walked bordering on shame
yet unsurprisingly to me when my feet were back down
on the ground everything was back to being the same
except this time I had on my side a new friend to
step up to aid me in my defense
and her name was oddly enough
Deep Self Confidence................
( written Jan 22,1992 am)